The Interpersonal Relationship Collaboration
by FoxPhile
Summary: Sheldon seeks guidance from Penny on how to proceed with possibilities. Started as a one-shot post-ep for 6x14 - "The Cooper/Kripke Inversion", but has morphed into a continuing companion piece. First few chapters feature Sheldon and Penny, but this is most definitely a Shamy tale and Amy will be along presently. Rating changed to M as things are getting a bit racier.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: After becoming a Big Bang Theory fan just a few months ago, and a solid Shamy shipper, this is my first venture at TBBT fanfiction and my first of any kind in over two years. I love feedback (don't we all?) and I'd love to hear your thoughts on how I've done. If any followers of "A Father's Heart", my CSI-NY story, venture over here, please accept my apologies on abandoning that story for so long. I promise, the muse has been revived and I will get back to it. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**The Big Bang Theory**_**. Nor do I own Sheldon (sadly) or Penny. But I'm very appreciative that the folks at CBS give us such wonderful characters and I hope they don't mind me playing with them, on occasion.**

_Knock, knock, knock._

"I'm coming, Sheldon!"

A breathy voice sounded from inside the apartment before Sheldon could call, "Penny?"

Sheldon was concerned. Penny sounded curiously winded, like she'd been running a marathon, or just run up the four flights of stairs to their floor. But Sheldon knew she had been in her apartment for some time. He would have noticed had she come in or left. He'd spent the last few hours in his living room, opening the door every 5 minutes to come speak with her, only to close it again when his courage failed him.

_Knock, knock, knock._

"Oooooh, I'm coming! I'm, I'm coming, Sheldon!"

"Penny?"

Sheldon paused. Again with the out-of-breath voice, only this time her inflection raised perceptibly on his name. It was almost as if she were calling for help. His concern mounting, Sheldon wondered if perhaps Penny slipped in the shower again and was, even now, struggling to lift her injured body out of her bathtub to answer the door. She *still* hadn't gotten any adhesive ducks, Sheldon thought, exasperated. Why were his friends so stubborn about taking his advice on such matters? He was only trying to ensure their well-being, after all.

_Knock, knock, knock._

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Shelllllllldoooonnnnn! I'm commmmminnnnnng!"

"Pe…Pe…Penny?" Sheldon blinked. Now he was truly worried. Should he attempt to break down the door? It was obvious the woman was in some sort of extreme distress. His hand reached for the knob, hoping the door was unlocked as usual, when it suddenly flew open wide to reveal an apparently hale and healthy Penny.

"Well, Sheldon. I guess Leonard's not the only man who can make me come three times in a row!"

There was a broad grin on Penny's face, and Sheldon recognized the twinkle in her eyes. He really had begun to learn some of the tell-tale signs of sarcasm. Or perhaps this was teasing? They were so easy to confuse. Sheldon decided to ignore it, whatever it was. He had important things he needed to discuss with Penny and allowing the conundrum of her odd behavior to distract him was only another excuse to avoid his true purpose. He'd gathered his courage to come here, he would follow this through. He was a man, a Texan, and a future Nobel Prize winner, after all. A simple conversation with someone he'd known for six years was nothing to be afraid of.

"Penny, I would very much like to discuss something with you;" his eyes cast involuntarily down to study the tips of his shoes, noticing a slight scuffing on the outside of the left one. When had that happened? And how was it possible he hadn't noticed it when he donned them earlier? He would have to brush them immediately to remove the unsightly mark.

Sheldon nearly turned to go back to his own apartment when he remembered his purpose. Chiding himself once more for entertaining a distraction, he looked back up, facing Penny squarely and looking her in the eyes. "That is, I would like to get your advice on one of the few topics about which you may actually know more than I. May I come in?"

An odd expression passed over Penny's face. Sheldon thought she might be annoyed with him, although for the life of him, he could not think of why. Women were truly unfathomable creatures! Perhaps he should try talking to Leonard again.

Again, Sheldon began to turn to go back across the hall.

No, Leonard was equally confounded by women. Sheldon was sure Leonard would be of no real help with his present issue. Still, it had been Leonard who originally suggested that Sheldon buy Amy a gift and, although her exuberant response had been terribly disturbing, the tiara had certainly worked wonders to restore the pleasant harmony of their relationship. Nonetheless, in this area, Sheldon felt Penny was better equipped to advise him. Still, he dreaded the fodder he was about to provide to her never-ending need to tease and torment him, even though he knew that, like his sister, she meant it all with love.

Whatever was bothering Penny, it was important that he stay on her good side. He smiled.

Penny's eyes widened. Jeez that boy could look terrifying when he tried to smile. She realized that he undoubtedly thought his comment was complimentary. She turned her head to avoid looking at the grimace on Sheldon's face and waved a hand to indicate he should enter.

"C'mon in, Sheldon." She opened the door wider so he could pass into the living room. As she closed the door, she asked, "I'll get us something to drink while you ponder which seat is best. I'm sorry, I rearranged the furniture again. I know how disruptive that can be. It may take you awhile."

Sheldon looked around. The sofa was now turned to sit diagonally on the far side of the room, with the coffee table placed in front and the chair off to one side. Sheldon realized the new arrangement opened the room up, making its tiny space seem larger. Still, the change added one more unnerving aspect to a situation that was already tailor-made to send his anxiety level skyrocketing.

"One would think if you know how disruptive something is, you would avoid it," he said under his breath as he contemplated the seating options. He simply didn't have time to analyze the fine points of each location. Now that he was here, he needed to get this over with. He sat in the chair. At least there would be less risk of touching. Penny was positively touchy-feely sometimes.

"I need your advice on how to initiate coitus with Amy."

There was a sudden crash in the kitchen as the glass of iced tea that Penny was holding slipped from her fingers, splashing tea across the floor as ice cubes bounced wildly about. Sheldon watched, fascinated, as one cube bounced multiple times, finally landing on the far side of Penny's small dining table beside the window. He knew that the path the cube took, as well as the distance it travelled, could be predicted mathematically given the weight and shape of the cube, as well as the composition of the various surfaces on which it bounced. Still, it was surprising how far the thing had gone.

He considered getting up to help Penny deal with the spilled tea, but noticed that she was ignoring the mess, moving quickly into the room to sit as close to him as possible on the sofa.

"Sheldon? Did I hear you correctly?"

Sheldon truly despaired sometimes for Penny's ability to comprehend the simplest statements. Or perhaps it was her hearing that was faulty? He sighed.

"Penny," he began patiently, "It was you who asked me just last week if I would ever have sex with Amy. Or, in your parlance, "sleep" with her. A euphemism I find incomprehensible in the extreme given that sleep is typically the last thing people are thinking about when they employ it."

Sheldon realized he was digressing again and refocused his thoughts on the purpose of his visit. "As I told you, quite clearly, I thought, it is a possibility. And, as I also said, I'm quite fond of Amy. It only makes sense that I should, at some point, endeavor to bless the human race with my progeny. Given her own intelligence, Amy is the logical choice with whom I should collaborate in that endeavor. And while I am a highly educated man with a number of degrees, biology has never been a field that captures my interest. I confess I am unsure as to how I should proceed."

Sheldon paused, expecting Penny to begin educating him on this most confusing of subjects. But instructions were not forthcoming. Penny sat, staring at Sheldon, her mouth fixed in a wide O. He noticed that one hand was tightly gripping the sofa arm as if she might otherwise slip off into some unknown oblivion. He decided further explanation might be helpful.

"Of course, I assumed that at some point we would employ modern in vitro techniques and a surrogate, but your comment regarding Amy's apparent desire for a physical relationship led me to think perhaps we should begin our attempts the "old fashioned" way as one might put it, if only for the scientific insight such activity might provide."

Penny's mouth was now closed; her lips compressed in a thin line as she mutely shook her head.

"Penny," he repeated, "Given your vast experience in this area, and your recent comments, I don't understand your apparent reluctance."

He paused, waiting again, but Penny remained mute.

"Indeed, last week you seemed quite anxious that Amy and I begin a physical relationship, and quite pleased with our discussion. Yet now you seem, if not downright opposed to the idea, at least certainly not willing to assist."

Sheldon stood up.

"Perhaps I should talk to Leonard, after all."

He turned to the door when suddenly Penny shot up from the sofa, a hand reaching out to clutch the long sleeve of his shirt.

"Wait, Sheldon. Come back and sit down," she said, pulling him back and gently shoving him back into the chair. "I…you just surprised me a bit, that's all. When I asked you about… you know… last week, I didn't think you would be doing anything so soon."

Penny's expression morphed into what Sheldon was sure was a sarcastic smirk.

"I figured Leonard and I would be married with grandchildren before you and I would have to have 'The Talk'".

After seeing Sheldon safely back into his seat, Penny sat back down, then jumped up again and strode into the kitchen, carefully avoiding the spilled tea.

"I do think I need a little something to clear my head, though." She reached for a wine glass and a bottle. "It's a bit early, I know," she said, turning back to the sofa as she poured her wine, "But, as they say, 'It's after five somewhere in the world!'"

She sat back down and, after swallowing a generous portion of the contents of her wine glass, she leaned over the arm of the sofa, getting entirely too close for Sheldon's comfort. He leaned far back in an effort to maximize the space between them.

"Ok, Sheldon, spill. What's got your motor running all of a sudden?"

"Motor, what motor? Penny, you know I don't own a car. And what would a vehicle have to do with the current discussion?"

Penny grinned. "C'mon, Sheldon, you're not fooling me. I know you like to pretend that you don't comprehend slang when the subject makes you nervous. But you've been around long enough to know what I'm referring to. What's got you all hot and bothered? Why the sudden rush to jump into the sack? We both know you've moved this romance along so slow it would have gone faster backwards, so what's the deal?"

Sheldon sighed again, this was going to be even more difficult than he feared. "As I explained, Penny," his tone was becoming pedantic, but he didn't care. Now he was truly questioning his decision to consult Penny on this matter, and if he annoyed her again, then that simply meant his original misgivings were well founded and he should consult on the problem elsewhere. "It would be selfish of me to withhold from the world the possible wonder my offspring will be. Initially, I despaired of finding a woman - a female 'Homo Novus' - who would be, if not my equal, at least intellectually compatible enough to provide a better than average possibility of passing on my superior characteristics to any fruit of the union of our genetic material. I believe that, in Amy, I have found such a woman. Our discussion of last week reminds me, however, that while I will be able to produce the necessary biological elements well into advanced years, the shelf-life of the female reproductive system is much more finite. To put it into the vernacular, Amy's biological clock is ticking and I need to get crackin'!"

Penny sat back in her seat and swallowed another gulp of wine.

"So this is all about having children as superior and annoying as you are?"

"Yes." Sheldon snapped his head to stare at Penny. "No! Our children will be superior and also very well behaved. I, myself was a model child."

Penny snorted, "You forget, Sheldon, I've met your mother. You were a holy terror as a child!" She laughed and poured more wine. "Let me get this straight. After a year of being girl-slash-friend-slash-boy-slash-friend, you finally get up the nerve to ask Amy to be your girlfriend; prompted, I might add, by a green monster brought on by Amy's date with a certain comic-book-store-owning geek. Another two years passes and you're finally willing to admit you're 'quite fond' of Amy, and might even get physical – someday. And now all of a sudden, just one week later you're all fired up to do the horizontal mambo just because you hear Amy's biological clock about to buzz?"

Penny downed the contents of her glass and put it on the table. "I don't buy it, Shelly-bean. Don't forget you're talkin' to a Nebraska girl and I didn't fall off the turnip truck last night. If you want my advice, you need to be honest with me. What's really buzzing up in that head of yours? Or is it, maybe, about 3 feet further down?"

Sheldon was feeling distinctly uncomfortable. It was true he was not always as clueless as he let on. He knew Penny wanted him to admit to feelings and desires to which, just a few weeks ago, he would have sworn he was immune. Now, he could admit to himself, he wasn't so sure about that. But while he was feeling some very unfamiliar emotions with regard to Amy, not to mention some very unfamiliar sensations, as Penny put it, 'about 3 feet further down', if he was himself not clear about them, how could he be expected to expound on them? As a scientist, it would be irresponsible for him to publish a hypothesis that was unsupported by any tangible evidence. Like his study of string theory, he needed to ponder these concepts further before making a public announcement. Still, given this was outside of his normal field, perhaps it made sense to work in collaboration with an expert. Certainly if there were a Nobel Prize for interpersonal relationships - well, no, Penny wouldn't be in the running, not considering the vast number of failures she had to date. But at least he knew she was an experienced practitioner of the art. Perhaps he could learn from her mistakes. It would only make sense to share all his theories and hypotheses with a collaborator.

"I think… that is… I may be… in love with Amy."

"Hallelujah!" Penny threw up her arms and brought them down across the space between them to wrap them around Sheldon in a hug, made thankfully loose by the fact that her arms were barely long enough to cross the distance between the sofa and the chair.

"Oh, Sweetie," she continued, gushing, "You know, the first step is to admit it, I'm so proud of you!" She brought one hand up from around his back and pinched his cheek. "Don't you worry. With my help, you and Amy will be bumping uglies before you know it!"

Sheldon suddenly had a terrifying thought, "You won't tell her, will you?"

Penny stared at him, an indignant expression on her face. "Of course not! I know how to keep a secret!"

It was Sheldon's turn to smirk.

Seeing his reaction, Penny looked a bit chagrined, but continued. "I swear, Sheldon," she held up her right hand, "On a stack of Bibles, I will NOT tell Amy your little secret." She lowered her hand and reached over to pour yet another glass of wine. "But YOU will."

**I know, I know. I ended this on a mild cliffhanger and some of you want more. ;-) I'm not sure I'm up for going into details of "The Talk" between Penny and Sheldon, or what sort of advice Penny might give him. I only hope she is wiser in the ways of love than I am, and will guide Sheldon so that he and Amy can have the happiness they deserve. **

**And I hope you enjoyed my vignette. Go ahead, start writing in the little box down there. You know you want to! :-)  
**

FF_1807614_ 2/17/2013


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: I really had not intended for this to be a multi-chapter fic. And it may not really be. I have a terrible track record of running out of steam on multi-chapter stories, so you have been warned. I'll just call this a follow-up and try to keep from leaving anything hanging, how's that?**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**The Big Bang Theory**_**. Nor do I own Sheldon (sadly) or Penny. But I'm very appreciative that the folks at CBS give us such wonderful characters and I hope they don't mind me playing with them, on occasion.**

* * *

"I swear, Sheldon," Penny said, holding up her right hand, "on a stack of Bibles, I will NOT tell Amy your little secret." She lowered her hand and reached over to pour yet another glass of wine. "But YOU will."

Sheldon was seated in a chair in Penny's recently rearranged living room. After a full morning of internal debate, he had made the decision to seek council from someone more experienced in interpersonal relationships, especially those usually referred to as "romantic". He determined that he should consider Penny a collaborator in his current research vis-à-vis his relationship with Amy and its potential advancement into levels with which he was not personally familiar. Since he had already revealed to both Penny and Leonard his possible willingness to engage in more intimate relations, that is, _physical_ relations, with his girlfriend, collaborating with one of them would reduce the potential risk associated with revealing his intentions prematurely. He was aware that Penny was an unrepentant gossip, and from his previous collaboration with Amy herself, he knew just how fast gossip could travel. He only hoped that, by including Penny as a participant in the planning and execution of this particular experiment, she would be motivated to retain his confidence, in order not to spoil the "surprise". He congratulated himself on his growing grasp of human nature. He'd never been good at it, but he was pleased to think his knowledge and understanding had increased.

There were some factors in this afternoon's discussion, however, over which Sheldon was concerned. Penny was consuming an unusual amount of alcohol, given the early hour and the importance of the subject matter. Certainly such consumption would not be tolerated in a laboratory setting, but he had to make certain allowances for the more informal nature of this collaboration. Additional, it was obvious Penny did not truly grasp the fundamental protocols of scientific methodology. It was clear that when Sheldon stated his basic hypothesis, Penny failed to comprehend the inherently unproven nature of hypotheses. Penny apparently assumed his statement to be one of proven fact.

"Penny," Sheldon addressed her, trying his best to sound more like he was conversing with a colleague and less like he was lecturing a subordinate. "I don't believe you fully understand. I said I *think* that I *may* be in love with Amy. This is simply my working hypothesis. It is completely untested. It would be irresponsible in the extreme for me to profess love to Amy when I could just as easily be suffering from a temporary lapse in mental acuity brought on by a tumor pressing on the hypothalamus."

"Excuse me, wha… what?" Penny shook her head and rolled her eyes.

Sheldon was pleased to see that Penny was now taking only small sips of her wine. But it seemed some damage had already been done, to judge by the look of absolute incomprehension on her face. Sheldon thought perhaps he might need to take a page from Brian Greene and come up with some sort of analogy or correlation to something Penny knew. He smiled, and suddenly wished Penny had a white board. He would be so much more comfortable with this if he had a white board.

"Do you remember when we talked about Schrödinger's cat?"

Penny nodded slowly.

Sheldon continued, gaining enthusiasm. He was on familiar ground, now. He stood and began to pace in front of the coffee table, gesticulating to illustrate his points. "Like Schrödinger's cat, my love for Amy is in a sealed box. It may exist, or it may not. In fact, until we open the box, it both exists and it does not exist. In this case, to open the box, we have to apply extensive testing by which the _hypothesis_ of my love becomes a generally accepted _theory_."

Smiling broadly, Sheldon turned back to the face Penny. He was sure he would see dawning comprehension. He was disappointed. Penny sat eyes wide and mouth open, incomprehension battling with disbelief on her face.

"Let me get this straight, Sheldon." She paused a moment. "You want to put Amy in a box…. with a cat? And this will somehow help you have sex with her?" Penny got up, grabbed the bottle of wine and walked back into the kitchen area. Picking up the cork, she put it into the bottle and smacked it once, hard, to drive it home.

"I'm sorry, Sheldon, but that's too kinky for me. I don't know what you think, but I'm not sure I can help you with this one."

Sheldon threw up his hands. This was just impossible. "No, no, no! Amy is not in the box, and there is no cat."

He sat down on the couch, realized his mistake and quickly got back up to sit in the chair.

"I have formulated a hypothesis," he continued, emphasizing each word, "I am discussing that hypothesis with you, my collaborator. But I cannot share an unproven hypothesis with the scientific community, which in this case is Amy and perhaps, others in our social group, without first submitting it to the sort of rigorous testing by which it may be elevated to a theory. I may even be able to present proof, which would then make it a fact, although that seems unlikely in this case. I don't believe love is something one can prove."

Penny set the now resealed wine bottle on the bar. "So you're telling me all of this because you don't want to tell Amy you love her until you're sure."

"I don't think I'll ever be sure," Sheldon replied, "but with time, I may amass enough empirical evidence to feel comfortable divulging my findings. Either that or a CAT scan will uncover a pathological cause."

"Ok," Penny walked back to sit on the couch, leaning against the arm to face Sheldon, "but you still want to sleep with Amy, and you want me to help you do it…wait…that didn't come out right!" Penny giggled.

"I know what you meant, Penny, and yes, I want to - - sleep - -", Sheldon held up his hands to make air quotes, "with Amy and I would like you to advise me on how I can broach the subject with her. What should I do to let her know my intentions? As you know, Penny, this is an area of social interaction that I have assiduously avoided all my life. I believe there must be social conventions established by which a man indicates his desire to engage in coitus with a woman, but I have no idea what those might be. I do not wish to take a miss-step that might confuse her or cause her to misinterpret my motive."

Penny looked thoughtful for a moment. She glanced up to study Sheldon, then studied her wine, which she had started swirling in the glass. "Well, Sheldon. I think the first thing you need to do is tell me this; just exactly what ARE your intentions? Because let me tell you, buddy, if you think you're gonna tap that and walk away, I'll get Nebraska on your ass so fast your Texas will be well and truly toasted. If this is some sort of experiment just to see if you *can*, then go find a paid lab rat to experiment on. There are plenty of ladies walking Hollywood Boulevard that would be more than happy to help you with your - - little - - hypothesis," Penny pointedly stared at Sheldon's crotch, while make air quotes of her own, "for a price. You got that?"

Sheldon had been pushing himself back in the chair, trying desperately to increase the distance between him and Penny as she suddenly turned from caring confidant to Lady Defender. When he could move no further, he stood and backed away.

"NO! No! It's not like that at all! I LOVE AMY! I would never use her or hurt her like that!"

Penny's face cracked into a wide grin. "Ok. Now you got your proof. Quit blathering on about hypothesis and theory and Schrödinger's kitty-cat. You love Amy and you want to show her. That's great. Now sit down, we've got some serious work to do, Cowboy!"

* * *

**Author's Note: Hmmmm. So much for not leaving things hanging. I promise, there will be more. I just love how Penny can push Sheldon's buttons and get him going where no Sheldon has gone before, and I'm having great fun with this. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing. **

FF_1807614_ 2/23/2013


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Ok, it goes without saying, I'm officially addicted to writing Penny/Sheldon friendship. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**The Big Bang Theory**_**. Nor do I own Sheldon (sadly) or Penny. But I'm very appreciative that the folks at CBS give us such wonderful characters and I hope they don't mind me playing with them, on occasion.**

* * *

Sheldon slowly resumed his seat in the chair, keeping a wary eye on Penny. It appeared that his unintended outburst calmed her down. She was grinning broadly and seemed quite relaxed and congenial. But he wasn't sure he should trust this transformation. He perched gingerly, ready to jump to the door at the first sign that Penny might once again revert to the personification of Xena, Warrior Princess.

"Ok, Sheldon, no more science-y jibber-jabber. And before we begin, let's get one thing straight. This is not an experiment. You can't treat Amy like she's one of those crazy chain-smoking monkeys of hers. She's a living human being with feelings. Feelings just like you have, even if you don't like to admit it. I know you love her, and you know you love her, but you can very easily hurt her if you're not careful."

Sheldon was about to say something, but Penny lifted one finger and waved it in front of his face. "Ah-ah! Not a word, Sheldon. You're here to learn and I'm going to teach you…" she paused, remembering the intended subject matter, "… well, up to a point."

Penny got up and walked over to a small bookcase set beside the bedroom door. "Just a sec, Sheldon, I'm gonna grab some paper and a pen over here. I think I might need to take some notes."

Sheldon brightened at that. He felt himself relax. Perhaps Penny was finally taking this seriously despite her earlier disparagement of science. After all, any good scientist knew the value of taking notes. Of course, with his eidetic memory, he'd never actually needed to do so, but he recognized the value of them for inferior scientists who were not as gifted as he. He was beginning to feel much more optimistic about the Sheldon-Penny Interpersonal Relationship Collaboration.

Penny was rummaging through a small basket. "I know I had them in here somewhere. Ah! There they are." She turned around and walked back. Sheldon was surprised to see a pair of glasses perched on her nose. "I got these to have some fun with Leonard, but I discovered they really do help when I'm reading." She returned to her seat on the couch facing Sheldon, pad and pencil at the ready. "Or in this case, writing. Plus, if I'm going to be your teacher, they help me get into the character. Now, before I can help you, I'm gonna need the deets on your relationship with Amy. Tell me how far you two have gone."

Sheldon was taken aback. He couldn't imagine what significance this might have, but he supposed he needed to give Penny the benefit of the doubt. She was the experienced one, after all. "Well, as I'm sure you remember, we all went to Big Sur together for the Institute of Interdisciplinary Study Symposium. Big Sur is 309 miles from Pasadena if you take Interstate 5. It's only 298 miles if you take the more scenic route using US 101 and then the California Highway number 1, also known as the Big Sur Coast Highway. I believe that's as far as we've ever gone."

Penny waved a hand. "No, no, no, Sheldon. I'm not talking about the trip to Big Sur."

"Well, Amy once got me to agree to kiss her in Salt Lake City in response to… well… a favor she did for me." Sheldon glanced sideways at Penny. It was probably best she not know what favor he'd asked of Amy. He hoped she wouldn't ask for the details on _**that**_. "But we haven't had reason to travel there as of yet."

Penny slapped her notebook on the arm of the couch, exasperated. "No Sheldon, I'm not talking geography. I mean how much intimate contact have you already had with her? I need to know what your current comfort level is. And hers."

"I see." Sheldon grew thoughtful. "She kissed me once when she was in a highly inebriated state, but that was before she was officially my girlfriend and we agreed to reboot our relationship to a point where we mutually agreed it was still working."

He thought some more, scanning his memory for any and all instances of intimacy with Amy. "Of course, you know she also kissed me after I gave her that ridiculously expensive tiara. We recently amended the Relationship Agreement to allow for hand-holding at prescribed times not related to either congratulating the other party on winning a Nobel Prize or to physical or emotional distress. Allowable times include while in a movie theater or while walking together during our agreed upon Date Nights." He paused again, thinking. He was concerned about the amount of detail Penny might need, but realized he should provide her with all pertinent information to facilitate her analysis. He attempted to suppress a blush as he revealed, "We… cuddled… on one occasion when…. well, when Amy was upset about something." He looked up to gauge his neighbor's reaction. "It wasn't about anything I did. It was something else entirely, not related to me or our relationship," he added quickly.

Penny was surprised. She'd heard about the drunken kiss and the relationship reboot from Amy, of course. And she also knew about the hand holding. But Amy never mentioned any cuddling. Usually Amy shared every tiny detail of her relationship with Sheldon. But Sheldon seemed nervous about that particular incident as well. She would have to try and get to the bottom of that at some point, but she knew she couldn't push her physicist friend about it. She wanted this to work out for both of her friends and it was obvious they sorely needed her help to get the hanky-panky portion of their relationship off the ground. She waited for Sheldon to continue, but he sat mutely, his long fingers twisting nervously in his lap. She sighed heavily.

"So then, that's it? Two kisses, some hand-holding and one consoling cuddle?"

Sheldon nodded.

"So at the end of a date, you don't kiss her goodnight?"

Sheldon shook his head, "No. It's not in the Agreement."

"You don't put your arm around her while you're watching television, or touch her… at all?"

Sheldon shook his head again, his eyes widening. He snorted derisively. "Of course not, it's not in the Agreement."

Penny rolled her eyes and put the pad and pencil down. "I think the first thing we're going to have to do is ditch that ridiculous Relationship Agreement."

"What?" Sheldon looked horrified. "The Relationship Agreement is a cornerstone. It's the one thing that ensures that we will remain a committed couple. Amy will never agree to dispense with it. She understands the value of clearly defined responsibilities."

Penny sighed. She certainly had her work cut out for her. "I think Sheldon, that you cling to that Agreement as a way to avoid losing Amy. I don't think she appreciates having every moment of your time together dictated by a quasi-legal document. And I'm sure she doesn't like the restrictions it obviously imposes if it doesn't even allow you to kiss her goodnight after a date."

"But it can always be amended by mutual agreement of both parties." Sheldon interrupted. "If good-night kisses are a critical element required for advancement, I can allot some time in the agenda for our next date night to include discussion of a codicil to the Agreement to allow them."

"Sheldon," Penny interjected, "why are you doing this?"

"I don't follow."

"Why do you want my help to sleep with your girlfriend? I'm sure all you have to do is to write up a codicil and add it to the… agenda… for your next date night. I'm _**quite**_ sure Amy would agree to it. The poor girl is so starved for a little affection from you that she'd agree to just about anything if it meant you might touch her and hold her a bit more. But do you think that's what she really _**wants**_? Is that what _**you**_ really want?"

"I…." Sheldon looked down, suddenly concentrating on his immaculate fingernails. "I… I guess not."

Penny reached over and gently placed a hand on his arm. "Then forget the agreement, Sweetie. Forget how smart you are for one minute and concentrate on your _**feelings**_. Tell me how you _**feel**_ about Amy."

Sheldon stared at Penny's hand on his arm. He was amazed to realize it didn't bother him. It felt warm and comforting. And she wasn't even singing _Soft Kitty_.

"Penny," he sighed, resigning himself to revealing things he was barely able to admit to himself, "I care very much for Amy. As you so skillfully made me blurt out earlier, I love her. It's quite possible that I am _**in**_ love with her. And yes, I am aware that there is a connotative difference between the two that carries great significance in romantic relationships. I… find that I think about her often when my mind should be on other things. I think of her when I should be working. As you know, Kripke assumes that my frequent, but entirely fictional coitus with Amy is the cause of the decline in the quality of my work. He's not wrong in assuming that Amy is the cause, it's just the nature of how she distracts me that he doesn't know. I find myself standing at the white board in my office, daydreaming of being with her instead of concentrating on my equations." He paused a moment, the ghost of a smile playing across his features. "Why, last Sunday, within five minutes of the start of my weekly paintball game with Leonard, Raj and Howard, I was shot dead because I was staring at a rise in the terrain that reminded me of the exact slope of Amy's left breast when she's not wearing her brassiere and it's drooping just slightly from the effects of gravity."

Sheldon was about to take a breath to continue when he noticed the soft, warm presence on his forearm had become a painful vice grip.

"Wait!.. Wait just a minute," Penny exclaimed, releasing Sheldon's arm and bringing her hands together in the T formation that Sheldon recognized as the signal from football indicating that a team wished to invoke one of its allotted time-outs. Penny continued, her voice rising to a near squeak. "Are you telling me that you've seen Amy's _**breasts**_? _**Naked**_? Why didn't you mention that when we were talking about kissing and hand-holding and cuddling?"

Sheldon stared at Penny, wondering how she could be so obtuse. "Yes, I have seen her breasts, but only in the context of bathing her when she was ill and too weak to do so herself. I also saw them in the same context while rubbing Vapo-Rub on her chest. Both incidents were completely devoid of any romantic aspect and entirely innocent."

"_**Entirely**_ innocent, Sheldon?"

Penny's look made it clear that she was not fooled. Sheldon was beginning to wonder just how much time this woman spent with his mother. It was like she was channeling Mary Cooper's ability to coerce her son into doing her bidding and revealing his deepest secrets. Sheldon pondered his next response. He narrowed his eyes; his gaze boring into Penny's willing her to comply with his next statement.

"Penny, you must swear to me that what I am about to tell you, you will never, on pain of crow's feet and premature age spots, never, ever reveal to another soul. Least of all not to Leonard, no matter how much he may engage you in pillow talk or post-coital confessions. You must take this to your GRAVE!"

Penny was taken aback. "Oh… kay, I… so swear, Sheldon. I'll never tell a living soul."

"You can't tell God or Jesus, either. My mother talks to them all the time and I don't want them to run blabbing to her."

Penny smiled. "You don't believe in God or Jesus, Sheldon. Why would that worry you?"

"No, I don't believe in them," Sheldon answered, "but I don't want to take any chances."

"All right," Penny put up one hand and stuck out her little finger, "I'll pinky-swear. I won't tell God, Jesus, or anyone else, living or dead, what you are about to tell me." Penny waited, barely able to breathe wondering what could have Sheldon so discombobulated.

Sheldon looked at Penny's outstretched pinky, and then looked up into her eyes. He knew she was terrible at keeping secrets. But something in her eyes told him that, for once, he could trust her to hold his confidence. He was surprised to realize that he felt Penny was actually a good friend and someone he could rely on when it really mattered. He briefly linked his own little finger with hers.

"Some time ago," Sheldon began, "I approached Leonard for advice on this very subject." At Penny's confused look, he added, "I mean on the subject of Amy's growing ability to distract me… not about having coitus with her."

Seeing Penny relax, he continued. "I told him that I was thinking of Amy at inappropriate times. He immediately asked if those times were in the shower, or in bed. I told him that no, I was thinking of her while at work, and at the time that was the truth."

Sheldon paused, once again fixing his gaze on his long fingers, lying idly in his lap.

"However," he paused again, taking in a deep breath, "more recently, since I took care of Amy when she was ill, and I saw not just her breasts, but her lady parts and pretty much all of her, I… I do find myself thinking of her when I'm lying in bed at night, and in the shower. It takes me fifteen minutes longer to shower these days. I'm wasting water at a ridiculous rate and I think Leonard has noticed the change in my morning schedule."

Sheldon felt warmth rising up his neck. He knew his face was burning and he turned his head aside, not wanting Penny to see how ashamed he was.

Penny sat silent for a moment. She reached out again, laying her hands gently on his forearm and sliding down to take one of his hands.

"Sweetie," she said softly, "I know you've always believed you were immune to what you term the baser instincts, but it's become pretty obvious that you were just waiting to find the woman you were meant to be with, a woman who is close to your superior intellectual level. It only makes sense that you would begin having these feelings once the right woman came along."

Sheldon turned, his gaze fixed on the hand currently being held in Penny's. Again he marveled that it didn't repulse him. It wasn't like holding Amy's hand. It was more like when his Meemau would hold his hand when he was very small. It felt secure and comforting. He wondered if Leonard ever felt this way with Penny. He supposed not. If he felt this way with Amy he wouldn't be constantly thinking about her the way he was.

Penny saw that she was getting through to him and continued, "Think of it, Sheldon. You always say that you and Amy are like a different species of human, right? Well, would a grizzly bear be turned on looking at a mountain lion? No, of course not. So it's not surprising that you've never had those feelings looking at normal human women like me. But Amy… she's different, isn't she?"

Sheldon brightened. A new excitement lit his eyes. "I never thought of it like that!" he expounded. "Biology really _**isn't**_ my field, but now that you mention it, it makes perfect sense. As a superior species, biological imperatives would prevent me from being aroused in the presence of females of an inferior and incompatible species, but, having met a female who can help me ensure the continuation of Homo Novus, it's only natural that I would be compelled to do so." Sheldon awkwardly reached out to hug Penny, but paused and settled for patting her hand. "Oh, thank you Penny! You've restored my faith in my superior species!"

Penny smiled, doing her best to overlook Sheldon's overwhelming egotism to concentrate on the problem at hand. "That's terrific, Sheldon. But I suggest you keep this knowledge to yourself. Amy wouldn't appreciate you bragging about your shower fantasies to the guys. I don't think she'd want to hear about it all, really. She may be a… Homo Novus… but she's still a woman and we generally have mixed feelings about what men think about us when they're… um… showering."

Sheldon's face fell. "Oh! Are you sure, Penny? I had assumed that I would simply relate to Amy the details of one of my shower sessions and then we would re-enact it, but in tandem rather than solo. As a neuroscientist, she surely is in a better position than I to grasp the necessity for us to perpetuate our species."

"Oh, Sheldon," Penny patted his hand, "you still don't really get it, do you?" She thought a moment, trying to think how to put this in words Sheldon would understand. This conversation was really taxing her limited memory of high school science, but it was a challenge and, she had to admit, she was enjoying getting the better of Sheldon Cooper, on one of the topics she might actually know more about than he. "I think that maybe Amy is what you might call a Missing Link. Intellectually, she's a Homo Novus like you, but I think emotionally, she's still very much human female. So while she might go along with your idea intellectually, emotionally she would be hurt. And you don't want that do you?"

Sheldon shook his head.

"And since you guys are a pretty rare species, it's not like you can afford to drive her away, right? I mean, you might never find another woman like her, isn't that true?"

Sheldon nodded, "Yes, of course. It's likely we are the only ones of our kind."

"Ok then," Penny went on, "just to on the safe side, you need to woo Amy, just as if she was a normal human woman. Just to make sure that little bit of human left in her stays happy, ok?"

Sheldon nodded again, but warily, "Oh… kay. But how do I do that, exactly?"

Penny sighed heavily, "Well, I'd like to say it's easy, but something tells me that for you, it might take a little work. Most other men take years to get it right, if they ever do. But you've got me to help you, right?" She brightened. "The first thing you need to understand, Sheldon, is that you can't go from zero to 60 in two seconds, ok? Most good relationships are like a sporty stock car; they can start off pretty fast but they really don't accelerate like a drag racer. It's more like a quick build-up to cruising speed. Your relationship with Amy has been more like a horse-and-buggy, but we can fix that as long as you don't try to pretend you're driving a Maserati all of a sudden. You can't expect to go from hand-holding to… coitus… all at once. You have to lead up to it, ok?"

Sheldon was mute, but he was nodding, so Penny hoped he understood.

"Ok, to start with, I'm going to give you two assignments to move things forward, ok?" Penny grinned as Sheldon reached for the pad and pencil. "I thought you had that fabulous memory thing going. You're going to write this down?"

Sheldon looked at her with his normal condescending Sheldon smirk. "This is different. This is a task list and I like task lists. They're organized and fun!"

Penny chuckled, "Okay, here are your tasks: One. You're going to work on touching Amy more often, in a romantic way. Holding hands is fine, but you need to touch her casually in other ways. Put a hand on her shoulder or around her waist when you're standing together somewhere, or put an arm around her when you're watching television. Casual touching tells her you enjoy her company and want to be closer."

Sheldon stopped writing and look up from the paper. "But Amy knows I enjoy her company. Why else would I spend so much time with her, even outside of our agreed upon Date Nights? I've even been at her apartment after dark! And we Skype all the time."

Penny huffed, she'd been right to think this would be hard, but she didn't realize how hard it would be for her! "Sheldon, touching communicates in a non-verbal way that feels more honest to the person being touched. People lie." She waved a hand as Sheldon opened his mouth to speak. "I know you don't but people in general do, and so women don't always believe what a man says. But we can tell when a guy holds us a certain way that he really cares. And that's what you need to communicate to Amy."

Sheldon frowned. "Oh all right." He made some more notes.

"AND," Penny stressed, "you're going to start giving Amy a goodbye kiss whenever you've been with her. You can start with a kiss on the cheek or the forehead, if you're more comfortable with that, but before the end of next week, I want you to kiss her on the lips, ok?"

"Oh dear LORD! Is that really necessary?" Sheldon set the pad down again. "Penny, the human mouth is a veritable warehouse of bacteria and microbes of all kinds. We'd be exchanging untold numbers of germs on a regular basis."

Penny laughed almost manically. She was nearly at the end of her rope. "Sheldon, Sheldon! How many germs do you think you'll be exchanging with Amy once you do have sex? Don't you think it might be a good idea to let your body get used to them slowly, a little at a time rather than subjecting yourself to a sudden onslaught? If you start with a few kisses, you and Amy will be able to build up some immunity to each other's germs."

Sheldon thought for a few moments. "I suppose that theory does have some merit. I'll stock up on some small bottles of mouthwash that I can carry with me so that I can rinse immediately afterwards. That should help to reduce the exposure to a manageable level."

"Ok." Penny wanted to give him one more assignment and then get the boy out of there. She was exhausted. She had gained a whole new respect for the teachers who had struggled for years to push English, Math and History into her.

"Your second assignment has to do with Valentine's Day. It's coming up next week, you know. Now you hurt Amy's feelings when you said she couldn't be your roommate." Again, she held up a hand when Sheldon was about to speak. "I know – you were right to do that. You wouldn't be able to live with Amy as just a roommate. Someday, when you two do live together, it will be as boyfriend/girlfriend, not as roommates. I totally get that. But you still hurt her feelings, just like I hurt Leonard's feelings when he found out I wasn't ready for him to move in here. But we can't help it if we're not on the same page they are, right? Still, Sheldon, you can do something to make it up to Amy and let her know how important she is to you. So your second assignment is to find a Valentine's gift for her that will do that. But you can't just tell her, and you can't write it in a card. You need to give her something that says how important she is, without actually saying it in words. Do you understand?"

Sheldon looked up from his notes. "I suppose another tiara would be redundant?"

Penny smiled. "Yes, she can really only wear one of those at a time. And jewelry is always a lovely gift, but this, Sheldon, should be a gift that not only tells her you care about her, but also that you know what is important to her. It has to be something that speaks to her in her own language."

"Penny," Sheldon began, confused, "Amy's native language is English, just like yours and mine. Although sometimes I do think you speak a very different dialect. Are you suggesting I get her an audio book that will speak to her in English?"

Penny sighed yet again, "No, no, Sheldon, I didn't mean that literally. I mean a gift that is meaningful to her. Something that shows you've been paying attention to what her interests, her likes and dislikes are."

"I see," Sheldon grew thoughtful, "I hope this is an extra credit assignment, because it will likely be much more difficult than the touching and kissing."

Penny rose, and gestured for Sheldon to get up as well. "Do your best, Sheldon. And I'll expect an oral report next week on your progress. If you've mastered this step, we'll work on heavy petting. But remember, I'll be getting progress reports from Amy, as well, so no fudging!" She ushered him towards the door. "Now get on out of here, I need to go out and get some lunch. I've had WAY too much wine for this early in the day."

Sheldon quickly tore the sheet of notes from the pad and put the pad and pencil back down on the table. He thanked Penny and left, ambling slowly across the hall to his own apartment, reviewing his notes and wondering just what sort of gift he could get that would fulfill Penny's criteria. Perhaps he could get some help with that. Penny hadn't said that he had to actually select the gift himself, after all. Alex! This would be the perfect assignment for his assistant. After all, with all her girly juices running around, she was the perfect person to come up with the perfect gift for the emotional, human side of Amy. He would talk to her about it first thing in the morning!

* * *

**Author's Note: Can I just say this was not easy? Being new to the TBBT fandom, I'm not that familiar with the episodes and I had to do a lot of research to get the timing of things correct. I hope I did a decent job. But it's really fun and I'm reliving some of my favorite scenes, so it's all good. Unfortunately, I've got a week of work coming up, so I probably won't update again for several days. But as you've probably guessed, in the next chapter Sheldon will be working on his assignments, so Amy will be finally making an appearance. Sheldon is shooting for an A-Plus, of course. We'll see if Penny grades on a curve.**

FF_1807614_ 2/24/2013


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Thank you all for the lovely reviews. They really make my day and keep me going. **

**My work week was crazy as usual, but I found myself staying up until almost 2am working on this one night (I'm normally very early to bed). The good news is I've got two more chapters. The bad news is that I got to work at 7am and I was really ragged out that day. I need to learn to pace myself. **

**In case you haven't figured it out, I've morphed this from a one-shot post-ep to something of a continuing companion piece. I prefer to write in canon when I can, so I will probably keep that up through the end of the season unless they do something that just totally blows up my little universe. We'll see how it goes.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own **_**The Big Bang Theory**_**. Nor do I own Sheldon (sadly) or Penny. But I'm very appreciative that the folks at CBS give us such wonderful characters and I hope they don't mind me playing with them, on occasion.**

* * *

Sheldon watched as his girlfriend walked down the stairs and turned the corner at the first landing. When she was out of sight, he turned to walk back into his apartment. Just as he was about to close the door he heard a strange ninja-like shout coming from across the hall. The shout sounded suspiciously like Leonard's voice.

"Oh dear!" he muttered to himself, "Either Leonard and Penny are breaking up again or they've come up with an even louder way to have coitus. I'm not sure I can take it if I have to put up with that sort of caterwauling in the middle of the night."

Surveying the room, he decided to change out of his good clothes before cleaning up. He walked across the living room, up the step and down the hall to his own room where he removed his jacket, carefully brushed it and hung it in his closet. As he moved to replace the clothes brush in its little holder, he noticed a long hair stuck in the bristles. He gingerly pulled it free, holding it carefully between his thumb and forefinger, and walked to the trashcan sitting just next to his bedside table. As he was about to drop it in, he paused to take a closer look. The hair was much longer than his own, a deep brunette in color. He noticed faint hints of auburn that glinted off it as it shone in the light from his bedside lamp. He sat on the bed and gently drew the hair across his other hand. It was just a single hair, but it evoked the soft, silky feeling he remembered from when he'd lightly stroked Amy's hair earlier that evening while they were watching _The Empire Strikes Back_.

He wondered if perhaps he was moving a bit too fast with Penny's advice. On at least three occasions when he put her recommendations into effect, Amy had glanced up at him, once looking as if he'd suddenly grown additional ears or turned some alien shade of green.

He'd been somewhat surprised, yet inordinately pleased at the exuberance of Amy's response to his Valentine's Day gift. And to think, it cost him absolutely nothing but the small amount of time he'd spent making the change on the University's online Human Resources website and printing out the summary information sheet. He wondered if he'd be able to get off as cheaply next year on Valentine's Day.

Sheldon thought perhaps he should enter some notes into his computer regarding the evening's events. While his eidetic memory guaranteed that he would remember each moment in minute detail, an abstract would allow him to organize the salient points so that he could better discuss his progress with Penny when next he saw her.

He was about to get up to return to the living room when he realized he was still gently stroking the single hair across the palm of his hand. Making a decision, he opened the small nightstand drawer and quickly located the emergency emesis bag he kept there in case he should become ill at night and be unable to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. Thankfully, that had never happened, but he was prepared if it ever did. He paused a moment. If he used the bag now, he would have nothing if he got ill tonight. He took a mental inventory of his bodily functions. He'd vacated his bowels quite nicely this morning and had urinated on schedule throughout the day. His dietary intake was within normal ranges both in quantity as well as nutritional content. The pizza he had for dinner was from a Sheldon-approved restaurant and had arrived at a temperature that limited the chance of any food-borne illness. He felt no oncoming queasiness or nausea. He was reasonably sure that he would not need the bag for its originally intended use that night. He made a mental note to procure another bag at the medical supply store in the morning. Opening the bag, he gently lowered the single hair into it, watching the end curl as it reached the bottom. Letting go of the end, he peered inside to make sure the hair was coiled safely in the bottom. He folded the top over, secured the closure tabs, then pulled a Sharpie pen out of the drawer. He pondered a moment before simply writing **AMY** on the front of the bag in bold, block letters. He then replaced the pen in its spot, set the bag on its side next to his box of latex gloves and closed the drawer.

…

_Knock, knock, knock._

"Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock._

"Penny!"

_Knock, knock, knock._

"Penny!"

The door opened to reveal Sheldon's slightly disheveled neighbor, hair rumpled from sleep, her bathrobe wrapped tightly around her as she tied the belt securely.

"Good morning, Sheldon. I'm guessing it's exactly eleven o'clock?"

Sheldon shuffled his feet slightly. He was holding a binder in which were his printed notes on his Valentine's date night with Amy. Until the door opened, he'd been confident that he'd completed his assignments admirably. Suddenly, faced with presenting an oral report on the subject to his mentor, he was not so sure. Amy had seemed quite happy with his gift, but perhaps Penny might have intended that he purchase some expensive trinket. What would she think of the fact that their Valentine's Day evening had been spent at home watching a movie instead of at a dimly-lit restaurant eating overpriced food? When he discussed the details of their physical contact, would Penny think it was too much?

Sheldon was nonplussed. In his entire life, he'd never been nervous about turning in a school assignment. Suddenly he felt his heart racing while his hands were getting clammy. This was INSANE!

"Ummmmmmm."

Penny's eyes widened. "Geez, Sheldon. You're almost as articulate as me this morning. Why don't you come on in? I'll make us some tea, ok?"

Penny backed away from the door and Sheldon hesitantly walked in, fighting the urge to run back to his own apartment. Why, oh why had he entered into this collaboration-turned-graduate course? What irrational impulse had caused him to seek guidance from the proverbial Whore of Babylon? Surely he could have found sufficient instructional information on the Internet? He was relatively sure Wolowitz could have provided any number of links to appropriate websites that would teach him all he needed to know about coitus.

Sheldon heard a sudden crack. He quickly flipped the binder open and realized that he'd been gripping it so tightly that the middle ring snapped. "Get a grip on yourself, Cooper," he muttered, checking to be sure that Penny was well out of earshot in the kitchen area, busily assembling the cups for their tea. "You've decided to do this. You can do this. You WILL do this. Amy deserves to be…what was the word Penny used? Wooed. And you, Sheldon Cooper are here to learn how to woo."

"I'm sorry, Sheldon?" Penny said, walking into the room with two large, steaming mugs, "Did you say something?"

Sheldon accepted one of the mugs and carefully sat down in the chair, which had now become his new spot in Penny's apartment. It wasn't optimal in terms of temperature or airflow, but it did provide the valuable feature of maintaining his distance from Penny. Ever since his admission two weeks before, Penny was a veritable octopus of touching. He felt sure if he sat on the couch she'd undoubtedly be hugging him at every opportunity. It occurred to him that her frequent, pats, one-armed hugs and even her sisterly kisses did not bother him nearly as much as they once would have. And he was fully aware of what she was trying to do. On one level he appreciated her enthusiasm and commitment to the project, but he still felt the need to limit her access when possible, in order to reserve his resources for the main object of his endeavor.

"Earth to Sheldon?"

Penny was leaning across the arm of the couch, waving a hand in front of his face. Sheldon turned and blinked.

"Wow. You completely zoned out there. Is it because you have lots of juicy stuff to report?"

Penny was grinning from ear to ear like the proverbial Cheshire cat. It did nothing to ease Sheldon's nervousness. He set the binder in his lap and leaned over to put the hot mug down on the coffee table.

"I'm sorry, Penny, I was… somewhat… distracted. It won't happen again. I assume you would like me to begin?"

Penny chuckled and took a sip of her tea, "Yes, Sheldon, why don't you begin. First tell me what you got Amy for her first Valentine's Day gift."

Sheldon's heart sank. Penny wanted to know what gift he 'got' for Amy. 'Got' implying purchased. She would surely be disappointed. He prepared himself to receive the first failing grade of his life.

"You… your assignment was to give Amy something that says how important she is." Sheldon paused. Perhaps if he told her that his initial impulse was to get an expensive gift. "Initially I considered a lovely music box in the shape of a miniature harp. It was quite expensive and exquisitely crafted, but I felt that money was no object."

Penny smiled. "That sounds nice. And Amy does love that harp of hers. Did she like the music box?"

Sheldon nervously flipped the cover of the binder in his lap. "I decided against that. It only played one song and the harp Amy has is much bigger and plays many songs."

Penny took a sip of her tea. "Ok. So no music box. Whatcha get her?"

Sheldon drew in a big breath. "I next considered a… map… of the travels of the pilgrims in the Canterbury Tales. As you know, Amy greatly enjoys the Canterbury Tales and can recite many of the tales in the original Middle English."

"Oh… kay." Penny shuddered a moment remembering when Amy recited something that ended with "nether yeya". Penny hadn't understood much, but she was pretty sure she understood what "nether yeya" was. Hopefully, if she could get Sheldon's hands on Amy's nether yeya her own would be safe from any but Leonard's advances. She shook off the memory to get back to the present.

"Not exactly my cup of tea," she sketched a small salute with her cup, "but I get that Amy's really into that sort of highbrow stuff. What did she think of the map?"

"I decided against that, as well. Amy has access to Google maps. She can map anything on the Earth, should she desire to do so."

"Ok, Sheldon. I know what you _**didn't**_ get her. Do you think you can get on with what you _**did**_ get her?"

Sheldon reached for his tea. His mouth was suddenly dry and he felt the need to stall for time. He wasn't sure why. No amount of time would make his real gift any better in Penny's assessment." He sipped his tea and swallowed.

"I… gave Amy… a copy of my Cal Tech employee information sheet."

Sheldon looked at Penny. Penny looked at Sheldon. She was waiting, not entirely patiently but waiting.

"Sheldon," she prompted, "What does your employee information sheet have to do with Amy?"

"Well," Sheldon explained, "until recently, it had nothing to do with Amy. But I started thinking about what you said about giving her something that says how important she is. So I made her my emergency contact with the University. It says that should I suddenly develop a brain tumor or become infested with parasites, I want her to be there to share that with me."

Sheldon looked up. To his surprise, Penny was grinning broadly.

"Oh, Sheldon! That's so sweet!"

Of course, Penny had already heard all about the emergency contact from Amy, who had texted her immediately after her date with Sheldon. The exact text had been:

_OMG OMG OMG!_

_OMG OMG OMG!_

_OMG OMG OMG!_

_Sheldon made me his emergency contact!_

_OMG OMG OMG! _

_OMG OMG OMG! _

_OMG!_

If Leonard gave Penny a stupid piece of paper for Valentine's Day, she'd probably use it to give him a paper cut where it would really hurt. But what could she say, she was a material girl. Still, she understood that Amy saw the change as a real indicator that Sheldon considered her to be a significant part of his life. And Penny didn't mind that Leonard wouldn't be getting all those annoying calls anymore.

Sheldon cocked his head to one side. "You mean. I got it right?"

Penny smiled and leaned over to pat his arm. "Oh, Sweetie, yes, you got it right. You gave Amy something that tells her you want her to be part of your life in an important way. You made her feel special. And that's what this is all about." She reached up and put her hand on Sheldon's shoulder. "A gift isn't necessarily something that you buy." Penny mentally crossed her fingers. Anything she got from Leonard better come in a pretty gift bag with the price tag scratched off. "What you gave Amy was from the heart. And that's what's important."

She rubbed his shoulder blade, then sat back. "Ok, now tell me about your other assignment. What have you been doing about casually touching Amy more often?"

* * *

**Author's Note: Next up: The Valentine's Day blow-by-blow (pun intended – but let's not get ahead of ourselves!) If you're still with me, thank you. And if you feel so inclined, scroll down a bit and send me your thoughts. I'd love to hear from you.**

FF_1807614_ 3/2/2013


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Thank you all again for the lovely reviews. They feed the monster that is taking my time away from work and life and housecleaning. **

**DISCLAIMER: Same as before. Not the owner, just the player.**

* * *

Sheldon was surprised at how well he'd done with his first assignment, his Valentine's Day gift to Amy. He'd thought, after the fact, that Penny wouldn't be impressed with a gift that wasn't purchased at the mall. To his great relief, she'd been more than pleased about his gift. Penny said Sheldon made Amy feel special. He was glad. Amy was special.

Penny was still smiling as she sat back and encouraged him to continue. "Ok, now tell me about your other assignment. What have you been doing about casually touching Amy more often?"

While he animatedly related the details of the rest of his evening with Amy, he recalled them in his mind. It was almost like watching a 'chick flick' of his own life.

.-^-.-^-.-^-.-^-.-^-.-^-.

It had taken some moments for Amy to release him from the thank you hug that threatened to deprive him of sufficient oxygen. While he was pleased that she liked the gift, his initial discomfort with the suddenness of the hug was compounded by the fact that Amy effectively had his arms pinned to his side. He was unable to move or to return the hug. It seemed a waste of valuable opportunities for casual touching. He found himself commenting that she should stop ruining Valentine's Day and order the pizza. Valentine's Day was far from ruined, but it was the first thing he could think of to say.

While they waited for the pizza, they discussed which of his "Star – War – Trek" movies to watch. Sheldon recalled that Amy had seen _Star Wars – Episode IV_ some weeks ago when the guys had decided to start another weekend marathon. She'd left after the first movie, saying she needed to stop by the lab, and then needed to get home to do laundry. He recommended they watch the second installment, _Star Wars – The Empire Strikes Back_. Amy agreed that watching the films in order might help her to gain a greater appreciation of them, so Sheldon slipped the DVD into the player and returned to his spot, ready to enjoy his special Valentine's Day evening.

After starting the movie, he realized that Amy was sitting on the far side of the couch. She must have moved while he was setting up the DVD. He realized that, when they were alone in the apartment, this was where she typically sat. In general, he appreciated that she was cognizant of his touch phobia and so maintained her distance. But this evening it was presenting him with quite a conundrum. How was he supposed to casually touch her when he could barely reach her? Stretching his arm all the way to the end of the couch to pat her shoulder would be ridiculously awkward. How could he get her to sit closer? He couldn't just come out and ask, could he? From Wolowitz he knew that when a man wanted to "score" with a woman he had to be subtle. He had to go about getting the woman where he wanted her in a roundabout way.

He tried lying against the back of the couch, and leaning his lanky body towards the right, stretching his arm as far as he could. Despite everything, his fingers barely reached far enough to tickle her shoulder. He simply wasn't able to initiate any of the touches that Penny described. He jerked upright when he realized the position put him in serious danger of falling. He was fairly sure that suddenly flopping into Amy's lap would not constitute a romantic gesture.

Amy glanced at Sheldon, one eyebrow raised in question. Apparently, she'd felt the movement when he nearly lost his balance. He grinned nervously and turned back to watch as Han shoved a frozen Luke into the belly of the eviscerated Tauntaun.

When the pizza arrived, Sheldon put the movie on pause. They were nearly halfway through the film. They would be eating for at least 30 minutes, during which time they would be holding plates and pizza and he wouldn't have a hand free with which to touch Amy. Assuming they paused the film again to take their dishes into the kitchen and put away any leftover pizza, he would have approximately 37 minutes of movie left in which to "make his move". And he had no idea what that move could be.

After putting the leftover pizza in the refrigerator, Sheldon turned to see that Amy had already returned to her seat on the far side of the couch. He really needed to come up with a plan, and quickly!

"Sheldon," Amy said, getting up, "I think I better use the little girl's room before we resume the movie. The two full bottles of water I've had to relieve the heat of the spicy sauce on that pizza are beginning to take their toll. Perhaps you can fix us some tea to enjoy during the conclusion of the film?"

Amy proceeded to the bathroom as Sheldon said, "Of course, Amy. I'll put the kettle on. Would you like a nice relaxing Chamomile or the more stimulating Red Zinger?"

"Chamomile," Amy responded as she closed the bathroom door.

Sheldon filled the tea kettle and set it on the stove to heat. He got his and Amy's favorite tea mugs and collected the tea bags from the cupboard. While arranging everything on a small serving tray, he suddenly had a brilliant idea.

Taking another mug, he filled it with hot water from the kettle. He was about to place a tea bag in it, but thought better of it. The hot water would work just as well as tea, and wouldn't leave a stain. Glancing over to the bathroom to make sure Amy wasn't returning yet, he quickly ran over to the couch. Pausing a moment, he steeled himself. It was against his nature to do something like this deliberately. He closed his eyes, grimaced and tossed the hot water on the seat at the far end of the couch, right where Amy usually sat. Opening his eyes, he was pleased to see a small, steaming puddle in the center of the seat. Water was running across the leather and dripping behind the cushion. He quickly ran back to the kitchen, put the cup in the sink and grabbed a towel. Just as he returned to the couch, Amy exited the bathroom.

"Oh my gosh, Sheldon," she said, seeing him mopping up the now tepid water, "What happened?"

Sheldon paused in his cleaning, stood up and turned toward his girlfriend. "Oh dear, Amy! I was carrying a mug of hot water over here for our tea when I tripped and the water spilled all over your seat. I'm afraid it will be too wet for you to sit back down here." He looked back down, ruefully shaking his head. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. I believe the water has run behind the cushion and may be underneath. I'll have to remove the cushion to allow it to properly dry or risk the development of mold or mildew." He picked up the cushion and set it end up on the floor. Returning to the kitchen with the now-soaked towel he continued, "I hope you won't mind sitting on the seat closer to me while we finish the movie."

Amy grinned. "Of course not, Sheldon. I would be happy to sit closer to you, to allow the cushion to properly air dry. We can't be too careful about preventing the growth of mildew."

Sheldon stared at Amy, wondering about her grin. It seemed as if she was almost happy that he'd nearly ruined his furniture with the spilled water. Oh well, he couldn't waste time pondering Amy's odd behavior. He had touching to do and not much time left to do it!

"Excellent." Sheldon said as he returned with the tray and two mugs of hot tea. "Here's our tea." He set the tray on the table and walked around to resume his spot, patting the space to his right. "Perhaps we should let it cool a bit."

Amy sat down next to Sheldon. "Yes, we should. A burned tongue at this juncture would be most unfortunate." She smiled, placed her hands primly on her knees and prepared to watch the rest of the movie. "Would you like to resume the movie now, Sheldon? I'm anxious to find out what happens. I must admit, I'm finding the byplay between Han and Leia to be quite titillating. And I understand this installment ends with a cliffhanger that leads into the third movie."

Sheldon picked up the remote and resumed the movie. After replacing the remote on the table, he lifted his right arm high over his head, stretched it along the back of the couch and sprawled down in his seat, his gaze intent on his girlfriend. Amy turned to look at Sheldon, curious about his strange posture and he quickly turned his head back to look at the television screen. Amy turned back as well and Sheldon resumed gazing at Amy, trying to determine how best to initiate the casual touching. They were not standing, so the hand on the shoulder or around the waist was apparently not appropriate. Penny had mentioned putting his arm around her while they were watching television, but where? Since around the waist was apparently not an option, he assumed that around her shoulders would be the most likely place. But Amy was sitting up ramrod straight (oh, how he loved her posture!), her shoulders were at least twelve inches from the back of the couch. He would have to sit up straight himself and if he put his arm around her shoulders then it would be obvious he was doing it deliberately. This was supposed to be casual, and per Howard Wolowitz, it was important that "the move" appear almost accidental.

Feeling the back of his thighs slowly sliding across the front edge of the cushion, Sheldon realized he would have to adjust his position or risk slipping completely off the couch and onto the floor. He braced his feet against the floor and shifted so that his buttocks were once again firmly set against the back. Again, Amy turned to look at him. She smiled and he grinned back. Oh Lord! This was so much more difficult than he ever imagined it would be! The gift was a piece of cake by comparison!

Sheldon despaired of making any progress on his assignment this evening when Amy reached forward, picked up her tea, took a sip and scooted back in her seat, wiggling comfortably against the back of the couch. She brought her legs up onto the couch to her right, then remembered the missing cushion and slowly placed her feet back on the floor. But the movement was enough. She was leaning just slightly in his direction and before he knew it, Sheldon had his arm across the back of her neck, his hand resting lightly on her right shoulder.

And he liked it!

Amy turned to face him and he quickly turned to look back at the TV, trying to appear deeply engrossed in the story.

"I love you." Leia said on the screen.

"I know," responded Han, on the screen, as he slowly descended into the carbonite.

Amy slowly turned back to focus on the movie. She leaned back a little further, and tilted her body just a bit more to the left, resting her head on Sheldon's shoulder.

And he liked that, too!

Sheldon couldn't remember a time when he had watched a Star Wars movie and seen so little of it. His nostrils were full of the apple green scent of Amy's shampoo. He remembered she'd been so excited when she found a dandruff version of the same shampoo that Penny used. He experimented with lightly stroking Amy's arm, although he wondered if she could even feel it beneath the bulky cardigan she was wearing. He wondered what exactly was in that shampoo, because the scent was positively intoxicating. He wondered if Amy would notice if he buried his nose in her hair and just took a big sniff. He inclined his head, intending to get just a bit closer, when Amy suddenly jerked her head back, apparently surprised by something on the screen. Her head smacked directly into his nose, sending waves of pain up into his brain and causing him to bring both hands up to inspect for serious injury.

Amy turned around, horrified. "Oh Sheldon, I'm so sorry! Are you all right?"

"Aby, I dink I bwoke by dose!"

Amy reached up and gently pulled Sheldon's hands away from his face.

"Here, let me take a look at it."

After inspecting thoroughly, Amy released Sheldon's hands and pronounced, "It's not broken. You'd be bleeding profusely if it was. Although I imagine it's pretty sore. I'm so sorry, Sheldon, I was just surprised by that… creature… thing. Do you want me to get you an ice pack or something?"

Sheldon reached one hand up and gingerly rubbed the tip. "No, I think I'll be all right. No need to invoke the boo-boos and ouchies clause. Let's just finish watching the rest of the movie."

"All right, Sheldon. If you're sure."

Amy turned back to the TV and very slowly resumed her position leaning against Sheldon's shoulder. He replaced his arm around her, but this time, he found that his hand was gently stroking her hair, almost as if it had decided to do that all by itself.

He really liked doing that!

Amy's hair was soft and silky. Sheldon suspected that Amy's keratin scales lay quite flat against the cortex of her hair shafts and he believed she lacked any medulla at all. And he was still intoxicated by the smell. He glanced at the screen to see what was happening, and to assess if there were any potentially surprising moments coming up that might put his still throbbing nose in jeopardy. Determining that the coming scenes should be safe, he carefully leaned closer. He was close enough that some of the shorter hairs were tickling his chin. And then he found himself pressing his lips to her hair, softly kissing the crown of her head as he inhaled deeply.

Oh, what this woman was doing to him!

Amy turned very slowly and carefully and looked up at Sheldon. This time, he didn't turn back to watch the movie but found himself looking into Amy's deep green eyes.

What should he do now? Penny had said he should kiss her, but wasn't that supposed to be a goodbye kiss? It couldn't be a goodbye kiss if the movie wasn't over and they weren't ready to say goodbye, could it? If he kissed her now, should he… or could he… kiss her again when she left?

Sheldon wanted to kiss her. Sheldon Lee Cooper wanted desperately to kiss Amy Farrah Fowler. What in the name of black holes and string theory was happening to him? She was a vixen, a complete vixen.

And he wanted to kiss her.

Sheldon inched ever so slightly closer, his eyes darting from Amy's eyes to her lips and back to her eyes.

"Dum-dum-da-dum-dum-da-dum-dum-da-dum!"

The classic theme music blasted out of Sheldon's quadrophonic speakers as the end title credits rolled across the screen. Sheldon backed away, shaken out of his thrall.

"I… suppose you should be getting ready to go," Sheldon said, his voice only slightly shaky. "It's late. Bedtime was," he glanced at his watch, "over 20 minutes ago."

He removed his arm from around Amy and slapped his hands on his knees before standing up.

"Well, Amy, thank you very much for a most enjoyable Valentine's Day. I must say, I never paid any attention to this day in the past, but I believe in future I will think very fondly of it. I hope you enjoyed yourself as well."

Amy looked up at him, unable to move.

"Oh yes," her voice came out something between a croak and a squeak. "I… I had a wonderful time. I very much enjoyed the movie."

Amy stood as Sheldon moved to the door. She grabbed her bag from where she'd left it in the chair, straightened her cardigan and fumbled in her pocket for her keys. Walking to the door, she looked up into Sheldon's face as she passed by him. She paused, searching his features as if she didn't quite recognize him. Ducking her head, she continued out the door.

"Well, goodnight, Sheldon."

"Yes, goodnight, Amy," he answered.

Wait! His brain screamed at him. He hadn't finished his assignment!

"Amy, wait a minute!"

Sheldon walked out into the hallway as Amy turned back.

"Yes, Sheldon."

Sheldon walked up to her and stopped, standing over his girlfriend, looking down into her face as she patiently waited to find out why he'd called her back.

"Goodnight, Amy," he repeated, softly, "This really has been the nicest gift anyone's ever given me. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Sheldon. I'm glad you enjoyed it."

Amy waited a moment.

"Goodnight again, Sheldon."

And she turned again to head for the stairs.

"Wait, Amy!"

Amy turned again, "What, Sheldon?" she asked, her tone edged with exasperation.

Sheldon took two long steps and was standing just inches from his girlfriend. Slowly, he lifted his right arm and placed his hand on her shoulder. He lightly stroked the fabric of her cardigan with his thumb. Amy glanced at the hand on her shoulder, then looked back up and Sheldon. He felt as though he might burst into flames if she continued to look at him. Before he could stop himself again, he lowered his head and lightly touched his lips to hers. He wasn't sure what he should do at this point. He knew he didn't want to "French" kiss her; he wasn't prepared for that yet. But he also knew he wanted more than… more than what? Sheldon Cooper was hardly a scholar of kissing. He tried to recall how Han had kissed Leia in the movie. He'd had his arm tight around her for one of the kisses, but Sheldon wasn't ready for that, either. He was quite happy with his hand on Amy's shoulder. He tried applying just a bit more pressure and moving his lips while tilting his head slightly to one side. He felt his lips parting just a bit, as Amy's lips moved beneath him. When he felt a tiny bit of moisture on his lips he pulled back.

"Hoooo!" Amy moaned. She wobbled a bit and Sheldon moved his hand down from her shoulder to catch her elbow and help steady her.

"Are you all right, Amy? Perhaps in hitting my nose you sustained a mild concussion?"

Amy looked up at him and he was nearly captured again by her eyes. "No, Sheldon, I'm fine. Your nose isn't that hard. Hoooo," She said again, breathily. "I… really should be going, though. Thank you again for a wonderful Valentine's Day, Sheldon."

"Goodnight, Amy", Sheldon said as he watched his girlfriend walk down the stairs and turn the corner at the first landing, out of sight.

* * *

**Author's Note: Hmmm. I think maybe it's time to get a little something from Amy's point of view. What do you think?**

**I hope you're still enjoying this. If so, don't hesitate to let me know! **

FF_1807614_ 3/9/2013


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: I apologize that it has taken me longer than usual to update. I really want to update at least once a week, but frankly, Amy has been fighting me every step on this one. I can't imagine that she doesn't like what I'm doing with the Shamy. Of course, she doesn't know. Maybe that's the problem. **

**DISCLAIMER: Same as before.**

* * *

Amy slowly turned the corner and continued walking down the stairs. With each step the same three words ran around and around in her head.

"_He kissed me. He kissed me. He kissed me. He kissed me…."_

As she turned to descend the last flight of stairs and walk out the door, the mantra subsided just a tiny bit and allowed her to consider the other events of the evening. Sheldon had been… different… right from the beginning of the evening. Well, maybe not _**right**_ from the beginning. Amy realized she needed to review things in detail. She wished she could run back up the stairs and talk it all over with Penny, but then she remembered it _**was**_ Valentine's Day. If Penny was even home she was with Leonard right now. Amy could imagine what they would be doing. Actually, after the evening she'd just had with Sheldon, her imagination had some blanks filled in where her experience was previously lacking. It was nothing close to the evening Leonard and Penny were having, of that she was sure. But it had still been amazing. She returned to her recollections. Right now she would give anything to have Sheldon's eidetic memory. She didn't want to ever forget one moment.

Sheldon's initial, unenthusiastic greeting had been expected; although she noted he was wearing a suit she had previously admired. She liked how the grey with just a hint of blue made his eyes so much more striking. He was impeccably groomed as always, and above the scents of deodorant soap, mouthwash and shampoo she detected a whiff of masculine cologne.

Amy reached the spot where her car was parked and suddenly remembered she needed to click the remote to unlock it. Opening the door, she tossed her bag on the passenger seat and slowly angled herself into the car. She put the keys in the ignition, shut and locked the door and quickly pulled over the seat belt and buckled herself in. She folded both arms over the top of the steering wheel and stared out the windshield and up to the fourth floor windows. A light snapped on suddenly and she knew Sheldon had entered his room. She wondered what he might be doing at this moment. Was he thinking about how the paradigm of their relationship had changed that evening? Was he, even now, writing yet another addendum to the Relationship Agreement? Would it stipulate designated times and duration for cuddling and hair-stroking? Would the Date Night section be amended to include a goodnight kiss?

Or would he text her in the morning and suggest another relationship reset?

Amy sighed and turned the key. As the engine sputtered to life, she heard her cellphone pinging in her bag.

Surely he would give her one night to enjoy the glow of romance before he took it all back!

Amy pulled the cell out of her bag and glanced at the screen. She breathed audibly to see that the text was from Bernadette.

"_Trouble in paradise - L&P left restaurant early. Be prepared for a girl's night tomorrow. Bring your sturdiest shoulder. – B"_

"Oh, no," Amy exclaimed. Another break-up would be completely devastating for her bestie. And on Valentine's Day, too! Amy recalled reading in one of Penny's glossy magazines that more break-ups happen on Valentine's Day than any other day of the year. She certainly hoped that this was just a spat. She hated the thought of her best friend losing the love of her life. Plus, how could she gloat over her own special evening if Penny was heartbroken?

Amy stole another glance up to the fourth floor. The bright light went out, replaced by the soft glow of what she knew must be Sheldon's bedside lamp. She could picture him sitting on the side of his bed in his Thursday pajamas, the covers turned down into a perfect, neat triangle. He would slide the slippers off his feet, tuck his legs under the covers and lay down precisely in the middle of the bed, pulling the sheet and blanket up to his chin. Then he would reach over and… there… the light went out.

"C'mon, Fowler," she muttered under her breath as she reached over to put the car in reverse and back out of her parking space, "You can't sit here all night dreaming about your gorgeous boyfriend laying all snuggly and warm in his big, spacious bed clad in nothing but plaid, flannel pajamas just waiting for you to come crawl in and cuddle up to his broad, masculine chest."

Of course, her musings on Sheldon's bedtime habits were mere conjecture, based on her knowledge of her boyfriend's general personality traits. She had yet to actually be present when Sheldon retired for the night. After tonight, she began to really hope that one day, she would be.

She giggled at the thought of sneaking back in, but knew she couldn't push things that far. Shifting gears again she nosed the car out of the parking lot and onto the dark, deserted street. "Be happy," she continued her personal pep-talk, "he made you his Emergency Contact. What better evidence of emotional commitment could you possibly wish for? AND," she continued, "he put his arm around you, stroked your hair and I'm pretty darn sure he was going to kiss you if that darn movie hadn't picked just that moment to roll the blasted end credits!" Amy huffed with exasperation. She couldn't decide if she absolutely loved or absolutely hated _The Empire Strikes Back_ now.

"_And, wonder of wonders_," Amy thought to herself, having realized that she'd been talking out loud to herself, "_he kissed you goodnight_."

Amy's thoughts returned to the beginning of the evening. Thinking back on Sheldon's presentation of his gift, she recalled thinking he seemed uncommonly excited over his romantic gesture. Typically, while Sheldon was scrupulous about meeting any expectations of "the boyfriend" as stipulated in their Relationship Agreement and its codicils and addenda, he took pains to exhibit a measured lack of enthusiasm for dates, romantic gifts, and any and all acts of intimacy. But tonight, despite the fact that Amy had effectively let him off the hook, gift-wise, he'd insisted on giving her his gift anyway, and seemed genuinely enthusiastic about it.

Until, of course, she'd practically jumped into his lap to thank him and smother him in a strangling hug. Amy supposed she might have gone just a tad overboard on that. But dang it! What did Sheldon expect? He might be able to suppress his emotions, but Amy saw no reason to even try.

As amazing as their gift exchange had been, what happened later, while not as life alteringly meaningful, was in many ways more memorable. Amy recalled that Sheldon got more and more nervous as the night wore on. She was sure that, had he not already seen the movie dozens of times, he would not be able to tell her anything that happened. He'd tried to hide it, but she caught him several times staring at her.

A sudden thought occurred to her and she nearly ran a red light, putting on the brakes just in time as a delivery van swerved just inches in front of her bumper, it's horn fading due to the Doppler effect as it sped on down the cross street. Goodness! She needed to stop daydreaming and pay attention to her driving or this one evening of romance might be her last. Fortunately, she was just a few blocks from her apartment building, so she drove on, shaken by her close call and determined to keep her mind on the road and off her jangled emotions until she was safely back home.

. * . * .* .* .* .* .* .* .* .

A few moments later Amy turned into the parking garage in her building and decided she was safe enough to resume her ruminations on the evening's events. The thought that had nearly caused her an accident returned. Was it possible Sheldon spilled that water on the couch on purpose?

Pulling into her spot, she shut off the engine, grabbed her keys and bag and exited the car. As she waited for the elevator that would take her to the third floor, she became convinced that Sheldon had done the unthinkable – at least unthinkable for Sheldon – in order to get her, Amy, to sit closer to him.

Before the incident he'd been squirming and wiggling on the couch so much she was wondering if he had some sort of embarrassing rash. At one point she glanced over and noted that he was leaning dangerously to his right, one arm stretching across the back end of the couch apparently reaching for her…hair? Realizing she had seen him, he straightened and tried to cover his actions with a lot of ridiculous stretching and yawning. After the spilled water incident, he sounded almost… coy… when he asked if she would mind sitting on the seat next to him. She thought she was the one to initiate the cuddling session, but as she thought more about it, she realized Sheldon had maneuvered the entire thing. Amy had only played right into his hands, figuratively and literally.

Of course, she didn't mind in the least. If that's what got her into Sheldon's arms, who was she to complain? Still, she was concerned at what might have triggered this sudden move forward on his part and what risk was there that he would suddenly do an about-face when the realization of what happened hit him in the cold light of day.

And then there was his kiss. Amy was suddenly reminded of a song her mother played when she was growing up. The song brought up images of ponytails and poodle skirts that predated even Amy's mother's generation. She sang a few bars to herself as she got off the elevator and walked to apartment 314.

_If you wanna know  
If he loves you so  
It's in his kiss_

_That's where it is!_

Admittedly, Amy had little to judge by, but Sheldon's kiss had been amazing. He'd been a bit clumsy and uncertain at first, barely touching his lips to hers. But then he'd started to move his lips, applying just the right amount of pressure. That beautiful bottom lip of his was just as soft and talented as she always suspected it would be. She realized that it had been a closed mouthed kiss, with no tongue; and yet she'd felt a tingling all the way down to her toes and halfway back up again until it had settled as a delicate throbbing in an area that only Sheldon and her gynecologist had ever seen.

Opening her door, she tossed her bag in a chair and took off her cardigan, feeling suddenly overheated. Just thinking about Sheldon's kiss caused the throbbing sensation to return and she realized she wouldn't be getting to sleep for a while tonight due to the insistent turmoil in her loins. If a simple goodnight kiss caused all this, what would happen to her if Sheldon ever got around to actually French kissing her? What about when the man finally found second base?

Oh, she sincerely hoped she would find out!

Amy grabbed her phone out of her bag and made her way into the bedroom, her thoughts returning to the revelation that Sheldon had apparently entered into a cuddling session voluntarily. Not only was it voluntary, Sheldon himself instigated it; going so far as to fake clumsiness and risk ruining his most-loved piece of furniture in order to get his girlfriend to sit closer to him.

She began to rethink the wisdom of discussing all this with Penny. She had already texted Penny earlier about the Emergency Contact papers, but she would hold off telling her anything else. She loved her bestie, but the girl had a big mouth. Assuming that she and Leonard didn't actually break up, Penny would tell Leonard and then Leonard might tease Sheldon. Or worse, Penny might tease Sheldon about it herself. Neither of them would do it maliciously, of course, but some instinct told Amy that the physical aspects of her evening with Sheldon needed to remain private, something just between them for now. If Sheldon realized his friends knew what he was doing, or if they teased him, it might drive him into that relationship reset. Amy couldn't risk that.

Amy quickly stripped off her layers of clothing, hanging up her cardigan, blouse and skirt and tossing her panties and bra into the laundry basket in the bottom of the closet. She believed in modest dress when she went out in public, but in the privacy of her apartment, provided the shades were carefully drawn, she enjoyed the freedom of a few moments of nudity while she prepared for bed. She rummaged in a chest for a clean nightgown and tossed her selection on the bed. Then she made her way to the bathroom for a long, soothing shower.

As she stood reveling under the warm spray, Amy continued to recall all the details of the evening - especially that kiss. Once again, the memories brought a throbbing sensation to her nether regions. Although Sheldon's touches and his kiss had been pretty innocent, she realized that her sessions with Gerrard simply weren't going to be as satisfying now that she had some idea of what it was to be touched by a real man. As a neurobiologist, she was aware that fantasy played a large part in self-satisfaction. Since she had no experience to draw from, her fantasies had so far been limited, and so, Gerrard had been a necessary companion. She wondered if, fueled by her recently enhanced knowledge, she could manage with only her fantasies and her fingertips. She twisted the shower head to the massage setting, then turned so that the gently pulsing jets of water would strike her chest. She used one hand to gentle tease and stroke one breast while the other hand snaked down across her belly and plunged between her legs to tentatively stroke in and out of her vagina, bringing her natural lubricants up to the small, hooded nub of her clitoris. Closing her eyes, she allowed her imagination to return to Sheldon's kiss, recalling the sensations in minute detail as she stroked herself. Her first realization was that, although her fingers couldn't match Gerrard for speed and endurance, the warmth and skin-to-skin contact was considerably more arousing. She began to imagine that she was still standing on the fourth floor landing, and that it was Sheldon's fingers rubbing faster and faster as his warm lips moved over hers.

"Hoo!" she exclaimed, as she felt her inner muscles tensing. She moved slightly so that the pulsing streams of warm water hit one of her nipples, sending amazing sensations in a taught line that went straight from her breasts to her clitoris. She continued to stroke, increasing the speed and pressure. She tried to imagine what it would be like to have not just Sheldon's fingers, but his warm mouth pressed against her swollen labia while his tongue skillfully tickled and teased her and…

"Ahhhhhhh!" she screamed, throwing one arm out to brace herself on the slick tiled walls. She felt as though her knees might give way beneath her as her inner muscles pulsed and throbbed, vainly exercising their biological function to clench a phantom penis and bring it to climax, doing their part to ensure the continuation of the human species. Amy felt her heart beating wildly as her orgasm subsided, the throbbing between her legs giving way to an overwhelming sensation of satisfaction and well-being. Gerrard had never been like this! Amazed at what an imaginary Sheldon was able to accomplish, Amy was all the more determined to get the real thing in her bed – and she certainly hoped it was sooner rather than later!

Feeling relaxed and happy, Amy quickly finished her shower and toweled herself dry. Walking back to her bedroom she donned the nightgown and got into bed. After she turned out the light, she grabbed one of the pillows and wrapped her arms around it. Her last conscious thought, as she drifted to sleep, was to wonder if Sheldon was as affected by the kiss and the evening's other events as she was. She hoped he was.

* * *

**Author's Note: Well, I'm not really happy with this chapter, but maybe Amy will be nicer to me next time. The next chapter will get back to Sheldon and Penny and will bring in the events from **_**The Monster Isolation**_**. **

FF_1807614_ 3/23/2013


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and followed. Reviews are truly the icing on the cake. I know I said something last chapter about bringing in the events of the Monster Isolation. But as Amy said to Sheldon in **_The Herb Garden Germination - _ **I'm not quite there yet. **

**DISCLAIMER: Still not mine. **

* * *

"Penny?"

"Penny?"

"Penny!"

Penny looked up suddenly, realizing that Sheldon had finished relating the events of his Valentine's Day date with Amy, and was not-so-patiently waiting for her to respond. There were three things about his story that surprised her. One, that he'd related a significant amount of details; two, that she'd heard nothing about this from Amy and three, and this was most disturbing, that she was seriously wishing that it was Leonard sitting in her chair, and not Sheldon! The activities, as Sheldon described them, while certainly not as steamy as one of her own dates with Leonard, had nonetheless stimulated her senses to a point that she was now forcing herself not to squirm in her seat in sheer frustration. She suppressed a giggle as she thought to herself, _"Holy Fifty Shades of Shamy!"_

She supposed that Sheldon's amazing memory made him able to relate such incredibly vivid details. But then, what if he wasn't drawing on memory? Was it possible that some or all of his story was sheer invention? It was inconceivable to Penny that Amy and Sheldon would have shared an evening of so many firsts without Amy providing the minute details to Penny at her first opportunity. Amy had texted her frequently the day before, gushing once again over the Emergency Contact gift thing. But there was no mention of cuddling or snuggling and certainly nothing about a kiss. Penny was **positive** that Sheldon hadn't voluntarily kissed Amy before. Why would Amy not tell her about these events in excruciating detail?

On the other hand, why would Sheldon lie? Sheldon was a terrible liar. She needed a moment to think and she needed a chance to study Sheldon without him knowing what she was doing.

"Um, Sweetie," Penny stood and began to walk toward the bedroom, "That sounds really terrific Sheldon. I um… have to use the little girl's room a minute. I'll be right back, ok?"

Not waiting for his assent, Penny dashed through the bedroom door. Once inside, she rummaged on her dresser until her groping hand found a small hand mirror. She tip-toed back to the door, being careful to remain concealed behind the doorjamb. If she angled the mirror just right, she could observe Sheldon without his knowledge.

She tipped the mirror this way and that, then snatched it back and quickly polished the glass with the edge of her sleeve. Carefully moving the mirror back toward the doorway, she was able to capture a reflection of Sheldon's face.

Not a tic, not a twitch. Dr. Whack-a-doodle was primly sitting in the chair, his fingers nervously rustling the pages in that binder he'd brought with him.

Wait! He was nervous. But no, Sheldon's tells when he was lying went way beyond fiddling nervously with some papers.

Penny drew the mirror back away from the door and placed it back on top of the dresser. As long as she was here, she decided she might as well use the bathroom. She needed to flush the toilet anyway, to keep up the fiction of why she'd come back here in the first place.

After giving the problem some thought, Penny concluded she simply had to assume Sheldon was telling the truth and that Amy was withholding this information for reasons unknown.

Penny flushed the toilet and washed her hands. Taking a sniff of the hand towel, she made a face and tossed it in the direction of the pile of laundry that was overflowing the basket in the corner of her room. Somewhere nearby was a small vanity chair, but it was likewise buried under a mound of discarded clothing. She really needed to do laundry. For a moment she entertained the notion of suggesting a trade of services with Sheldon, but then she realized that Sheldon might mention intimate details about her underthings to Leonard, who would immediately jump to a ridiculous conclusion. She dismissed the notion with a sigh.

The paradox - Penny grinned, proud of herself for using that word; the guys were certainly rubbing off on her vocabulary - the paradox of Sheldon's story and Amy's mysterious silence would certainly complicate matters. On the chance that things might not work out, Penny didn't want Amy to find out that Sheldon was enrolled in Sex Ed with Professor Penny. She would have to be incredibly careful not to let anything slip that would hint to Amy that she knew more than Amy herself had told her. On the other hand, without Amy's side of the story, she couldn't judge how well Sheldon's advances were being received. She was certain that Amy wanted a more physical relationship with Sheldon, but she also knew that Amy was every bit the virgin that Sheldon was. Regardless of how big a game Amy talked, if Sheldon rounded the bases too fast, it might scare her friend back into her shell.

"Holy crap, Penelope? How did you get yourself into this fix?" she muttered under her breath as she walked through the bedroom and back out to the living room.

"I'm sorry, Penny, what did you say?"

"_Whoops! Gotta remember that Vulcan hearing."_Penny thought, "Oh nothing, sweetie. I was just thinking out loud about what your next assignment should be."

As she sat back down, Penny allowed herself a moment to gather her thoughts. She decided a little cross-examination was in order.

"So, Sheldon," she turned towards the apparently nervous physicist and leaned forward, her elbows resting on her thighs and her hands clasped in front of her. "So far you've managed some hugging and cuddling, a little arm and hair stroking and one closed-mouth kiss. Have I summed things up pretty well?"

Sheldon cast his eyes down and to the right. "Very nearly, yes. There was also the top-of-the-head kiss; the one that nearly got me a broken nose." He turned suddenly back towards Penny, looking at her with a slightly pained expression. "Penny, is this sort of thing usually so clumsy…. and dangerous? I'm wondering if I should increase my health insurance, in light of the potential for injury that apparently comes with this activity."

Penny laughed. "Oh sweetie," she continued, resting one hand on Sheldon's knee. "It's not meant to be dangerous, and really, most of the time it's perfectly safe. But there are those moments when you go one way and she goes the same way and the next thing you know it… BAM!... you're bumpin' noggins or crunching noses."

"Well that certainly gives one pause, doesn't it?" Sheldon replied, "Is there protective gear that can be purchased to avoid injury during these activities, and if so, where can I obtain it?"

Penny clasped a hand over her mouth. It was all she could do not to roll off the couch. "Oh, Sheldon, trust me! Before too much longer, you will be purchasing some 'protective gear'. But you don't have to go very far. You'll find what you need at any drugstore!"

Sheldon huffed, his lips compressed in a thin line. "Penny," he said, leaning forward to place his binder on the table, "I'm aware that, should this exercise proceed to its ultimate objective, some form of contraception will be advisable, at least until Amy and I can fully discuss the ramifications of procreation and come to mutually acceptable agreements on a number of related issues. I'm also aware that the most likely form such contraception will take will be commercially obtainable prophylactics. I assure you, Penny, I take my responsibilities as the man in this very seriously. In fact," he continued a note of pride in his voice, "I've taken the initiative to conduct a bit of 'extra credit' research on the topic, if you will. I ordered a dozen condoms on the Internet and I've located a number of instructional videos on proper application. Which reminds me of a curious observation; do you have any idea the variety of vegetables that are used to represent the human penis? They used cucumbers and carrots as well as zucchini and some other squash varieties. One video featured a rather large eggplant. I suspect the manufacturer was trying to appeal to the typical preoccupation with size in regard to the male genitalia."

Sheldon paused a moment, his eyes staring upwards. "Penny," he began hesitantly, "in your opinion – and please factor in anything you may know about the sexual history of people in general, not just your own apparently accelerated advancement – how many months or years will I be working through these preliminary steps leading to coitus?"

Penny's eyes grew wide and she grinned. "Impatient, much, Shelly-Boy?"

"Not at all," Sheldon answered, "however, the videos I watched all stressed the importance of checking the expire date on the package. I wish to be prepared, therefore I will be maintaining a fresh supply at all times. However, if this process takes more than a year or two, as I suspect, then any supplies I purchase now will be wasted. Perhaps I've 'jumped the gun' if you will."

Penny thought she really needed some fortification to deal with this. But it really was too early for wine.

"I'm gonna make some coffee, Sheldon, would you like anything?"

"Tea with honey would be soothing, thank you, Penny."

She rose and walked to the kitchen area. "Sheldon, are you at all familiar with the concept of 'bases'?"

Hearing no response, she turned back. Sheldon was in what she liked to call library search mode, sitting with his head tilted slightly upward, his eyes staring blankly at nothing.

"Well, there are mathematical bases, wherein a specific number is used as the building block for all numbers such as decimal or base ten and binary or base 2 as well as the fascinating concept of negative bases. A base in chemistry is a substance that can accept protons or donate a pair of valence electrons. Bases are generally considered to be the opposite of acids. Of course, more generally, the term 'base' refers to the lowest or bottom part of something, such as the base of a table. I fail to see where any of this has relevance to our discussion."

Penny occupied herself with filling the kettle and putting it on the stove while waiting for Sheldon to wind down.

"I'm not talking about any of those Sheldon. Haven't you ever heard guys in the locker room talk about getting to second base with a girl?"

She noticed that Sheldon was getting ready to launch into another speech and cut him off. "It's from baseball, Sheldon, where the batter hits the ball and then tries to run the bases – first base, second base, third and home. Each base is meant to represent a level of sexual…" she paused and gesticulated a moment, as if weighing her next word in her hands, "…intimacy."

Penny turned back around as the kettle began to whistle. Turning the stove off, she poured boiling water into two mugs. As she jiggled the teabag in Sheldon's mug she continued, "Things can vary a bit, but generally first base is kissing – up to and including French kissing. Second base is touching the other person's… 'special' areas. Some people divide second base into minor and major league. Minor league is above the waist only. Major league includes below the waist, including hand jobs and finger…" She frowned. Penny knew Sheldon didn't care for vulgar talk and might be offended if she used the common term. "… um… finger sex."

Grabbing the honey she squirted a generous amount into Sheldon's mug and quickly stirred the tea. Then she grabbed both mugs and returned to the couch. As she sat down, she carefully put her coffee on the table, turned the other mug so that the handle was facing Sheldon and waited for him to take it from her. "Third base involves using your mouth to … um… stimulate the other persons… genitals." At that Sheldon's eyes grew wide and he made a face. "And a home run is, well, intercourse."

"Goodness, Penny," Sheldon squeaked, "is all that necessary before the coitus? By the time we get through all of that Amy and I will be doddering around an old-folks home! Besides which, it all sounds terribly unsanitary."

Penny reached over and patted Sheldon's shoulder. "Trust me, sweetie, I've got you on the accelerated program. We'll have you rounding third and coming into home before you can say Jackie Robinson!"

* * *

FF_1807614_ 3/30/2013


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Bonus weekend! This is for all my wonderful reviewers and followers. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Writing helps me maintain my sanity and reviewers keep me writing.**

** Sorry, but I have to inject a bit of angst - Sheldon's having second thoughts. And we get a little Leonard / Penny interaction. **

**DISCLAIMER: If I owned them, this would be happening on TV. And there would be no Summer Hiatus.**

* * *

Sheldon twisted the knob on Apartment 4A and opened the door. He shuffled inside, his mind somewhere far away as he quietly closed the door and walked over to his desk. In a moment of clarity, he remembered to put his binder back in the bottom drawer of his desk. He didn't need a nosy Leonard finding it and reading it.

What had he gotten himself into? While he was quite well aware of the basic activities and physical contact required for intercourse, and he was also aware that saliva-exchanging kissing was typically a precursor to such activities, he had no idea of the extent and… unsanitary nature of the other precursors that Penny described. She insisted that he would have to… touch Amy… in her most intimate and private places. Worse, he was supposed to allow Amy to touch him in similar ways and similar areas. And all of that without gloves on!

Sheldon was not at all sure that he would be able to go through with this. He congratulated himself on not sharing his ill-conceived intentions with Amy. As long as she knew nothing about this ridiculous experiment, they could happily continue their Relationship as stipulated in the Agreement. In the event that Amy inquired about the events of Valentine's Day, he would apologize, assign himself a well-deserved violation and promise to never do such a thing again.

Having resolved the problem to his own satisfaction, Sheldon sat down at his computer and decided to spend some time in Sheldonopolis. He was running for his fourth term as mayor and, although he was unopposed, of course, still he felt duty-bound to campaign vigorously. He needed to expand his campaign platform with some forward-thinking initiatives that would appeal to the citizens. Perhaps he could include a ban on all interpersonal physical contact within the city limits, together with a proposal that all procreation be regulated and controlled through in-vitro techniques. Aldous Huxley had imagined it in 2540. Sheldon Cooper would achieve it by 2015!

Sheldon wondered what such a utopia would really be like. Of course, in Huxley's version the citizens still had sex, and quite frequently. But it seemed so much more sanitary. Perhaps because in the _Brave New World_ one truly didn't need to touch another person to accommodate one's baser urges. Sheldon had been quite taken with the notion of feelies when he'd first read the novel. Second (or third, really) to a time machine, and a working transporter, feelies were an invention that Sheldon truly wished the engineers of the world would get crackin' on.

As Sheldon strolled the streets of his city, waving to friends and stopping occasionally to shake a hand or kiss a baby, his mind wandered back to his latest discussion with Penny.

His next assignment, while reasonable in terms of linear progression, seemed unduly precipitous. Not only was he expected to progress to "French" kissing, but Penny suggested that he also engage, at minimum, in the "minor league" version of second base. The only thing Sheldon Cooper allowed **anyone** to stick in his mouth was a tongue depressor – certainly not a tongue! And no one touched his chest nor he theirs without a liberal amount of Vapo-Rub involved.

Still, kissing Amy goodnight had been… fascinating. He allowed his memory to take over, recalling in detail the sensations he'd felt as his lips touched hers. At first it had been awkward, but still intriguing. He recalled that he was surprised at how soft Amy's lips were, while marveling that the activity was not, in fact, as overwhelmingly repellant as he'd feared it would be.

In similar fashion, he realized that holding her in his arms as they - or really she - watched the movie, was not only not distasteful; he could honestly say that he would not be unwilling to describe the activity as not unpleasant.

Perhaps he should rethink his earlier resolution. Would there be harm in including an addendum to the Relationship Agreement to include kissing and cuddling, as long as those activities stayed within the proscribed limits of what had already transpired? Sheldon smiled as he imagined allotting time on the third Thursday of every month to cuddling with Amy on the couch at one of their respective homes, concluding those evenings with a goodnight kiss that would set his nerves tingling and stir up tantalizing movement in that region below his belt.

Just as Sheldon remembered that somewhat embarrassing side effect of his recent experiments, he realized that his genitals were nearly as susceptible to his eidetic memories as they had been to the real thing. Looking down at his lap as if the equipment now poorly concealed by his pants was some sort of foreign appendage, he exclaimed, "Oh good Lord! Again?"

Sheldon crossed his legs uncomfortably and tried to return his concentration to the on-screen game. After a few moments, having uncrossed and re-crossed his legs several times and failing to find any way to sit comfortably, he realized his focus was sadly lacking. It was unfair to the citizens of Sheldonopolis for him to go through the motions when his mind, and other parts that he wasn't fully prepared to acknowledge as his, simply weren't paying attention. He shut down the game and sighed.

Leonard had gone to the lab as he'd managed to reserve some extra time with the magnetospheric plasma laser. He wouldn't be home for several hours. Sheldon turned in his chair and glanced up at the bathroom door. It was one thing to deal with the issue in the morning, during his normal shower time. Now he was going to have to take a second shower in the middle of the day simply because he was indulging his memory. What would be next, sneaking off to the men's room during his lunch hour? If Wolowitz and Koothrappali were intrigued by his daily forays to the basement, he could only imagine what they would make of a fifteen minute bathroom break every day.

Sheldon sighed again as he reluctantly rose from his seat and moved to lock the apartment door. The last thing he needed was to have Penny come in during the next half hour to heap additional humiliation on him. Although it would serve her right to witness the suffering that step one of her program had brought him. He assumed the intent was to eliminate this problem, not make it worse!

Like a man mounting the gallows, Sheldon stepped up onto the platform that leads to the bedrooms. He walked down to his room to shed his clothes and prepare to deal with something that no amount of Kohlinar seemed to relieve anymore. Although he was alone in the apartment, he realized he was gaining a clear understanding of the term, "walk of shame".

* * *

Later that evening, just as Sheldon was organizing things for laundry night, Leonard returned home, Penny following close behind him. Leonard walked to the kitchen with a bag from the Chinese restaurant and began unpacking the boxes while Penny gathered utensils.

"I wasn't sure if you had eaten yet, Sheldon, so I got some Tangerine Chicken for you, just in case," Leonard said, "And I have a Pu-Pu platter that we can all share."

"Seriously, Leonard? You know the Tangerine Chicken at the Shanghai Palace is, in fact, just Orange Chicken posing under false pretenses. And since the Pu-Pu platter includes four of each item, how do you propose we divide that among three people? I suppose we can divide one of the dumplings in thirds so we each get one and one-third, but we'll need a cleaver to cut up one of the barbeque ribs and we can only hope that the force required to split the bone doesn't send rib parts flying like sauce-covered missiles across the room!"

"Oh…kay," Leonard replied, "If you don't want to split the Pu-Pu platter, and you don't want the Tangerine Chicken, you can have my Szechuan Chicken and Penny and I can split the platter by ourselves."

Sheldon set his laundry basket by the door, where it would be ready at the stroke of 8:15. He then walked over to the kitchen and grabbed the dish of Tangerine Chicken and a set of chopsticks.

"You know the Szechuan Chicken is too spicy for me," he said as he made his way to his spot, "I'll just have to make do with Tangerine Chicken that isn't Tangerine Chicken. You and Penny may split the Pu-Pu."

Penny giggled as she grabbed her own dish, a fork and napkin and walked over to sit on the other end of the couch. When Leonard arrived with his own food and set the Pu-Pu platter on the table, she immediately speared a dumpling with her fork and began to wave it in Sheldon's face.

"C'mon, Sheldon…. You know you WANT me," she intoned in a sing-song voice, "You want me just like you want…"

Sheldon turned sharply to stare at Penny, his eyes shooting daggers in her direction.

"…um… something else." Penny finished weakly and swiftly brought the dumpling back and popped it, whole, into her mouth.

The three continued eating in awkward silence for some minutes. Leonard tried to catch Penny's eye to inquire what was going on, but she studiously refused to meet his gaze.

"Sheldon," Penny began, hoping to get everyone's mind off of her near slip, "Is that a new shirt and pants? I don't remember taking you shopping recently."

"Noooo," Leonard said, turning to look more closely at Sheldon's attire, "That's Sheldon's emergency outfit. What happened to your normal clothes, Sheldon?"

Sheldon panicked. He hadn't thought that anyone would notice his change of clothing. He needed a plausible lie and he needed it fast. He was no good at this! Even his un-unravelable lie had swiftly unraveled, all due to the less than stellar acting skills of his Cousin Leo.

"I… I spilled grape juice on myself. I had to change." His eyes darted from Penny to Leonard and then back to Penny. "I had to take an extra shower because I got all sticky! It…it got all over everything!"

Sheldon fell silent and turned to stare at his food, suddenly shoveling chicken into his mouth as fast as he could wield the chopsticks.

Penny shook her head and looked up to make eye contact with Leonard. "_Whack-a-doodle_" she mouthed as Leonard nodded.

Sheldon remained silent and continued to shovel food while Leonard and Penny discussed their days' activities. As soon as he finished he took his dish back into the kitchen, then checked his watch. As it was 8:13pm, he walked to the front door and stood by his laundry basket, keeping an eye on his watch and praying to his mother's deity that the second hand would move faster so he could escape into the laundry room. After waiting the necessary two minutes, he grabbed his basket and his keys and flew out the door.

Leonard and Penny looked at each other, and then looked back at the door. Suddenly Penny broke down in giggles.

"What do you suppose has crawled up his butt today?" Leonard said as he gathered his drink and his food and moved to sit next to Penny. "There's got to be another story behind the change of clothes. He freaks out a bit when he spills things, but he's usually not **this** bad."

Penny only giggled louder and Leonard turned to scrutinize his girlfriend. "Wait a minute! You **know** something, don't you?" he said, smiling broadly. "C'mon, spill, what's going on?"

"I can't!" Penny struggled to control her laughter, "I can't! He'll kill me if I tell you."

"C'mon, Penny," Leonard cajoled, "Whatever it is, it can't be that big of a deal. After all, this is Sheldon we're talking about!"

"Oh, it's a big deal, all right," Penny said, "It's a really, really, big deal! But he made me pinky swear, Leonard! I can't violate a pinky swear!"

Leonard put down his dish of food and carefully took Penny's from her and set it down as well. Taking her hands gently, he looked into her eyes. "Penny, our relationship is more important to me than any friendship I have with anyone else. If I had to choose between a pinky swear with a friend, and you, I would choose you every time." He raised her hands up and gently kissed each knuckle, slowly cracking a grin as he was not able to maintain a serious tone.

"Leonard!" she squealed, "that is SO not fair. You cannot guilt me into telling you!"

"Okay, then," Leonard replied, "if I can't use guilt… I'll… tickle you!" And suddenly his fingers were everywhere, pinching her sides and scrabbling up her arms to scurry across her neck and back down, settling just under her ribs.

Penny squirmed and squealed, trying vainly to bat his hands away. "Okay! Okay!" she screamed, breathless and exhausted, "I give! I'll tell you!"

Leonard immediately stopped, and sat back with his arms folded across his chest. "Ok. Give. What's up with the infamous Dr. Whack-a-doodle?"

Penny began by reminding Leonard of the conversation they had some weeks before with Sheldon where he revealed his efforts to become more comfortable with physical contact. She then told him of Sheldon's request for her help, and the discussion that led up to his first "assignment".

"…and so he told me… and this you have to swear you will NEVER let him know I told you…" Leonard nodded enthusiastically and Penny continued, "He told me that he's been having… issues… in the morning… when he thinks about Amy in a certain way. And so he's been spending a lot longer in the shower."

It was Leonard's turn to stare open-mouthed at Penny, his hands nearly crushing her arm as he gripped it in disbelief.

"Oh my God!" he exclaimed, "He said he had working genitals, but I never actually believed him!" Leonard released his death grip on Penny's arm and sat back to take it in. "So you think he took a shower this afternoon because…"

Penny nodded her head solemnly.

"… and he's been doing that every morning?"

Another nod.

"I **thought** he was taking longer to shower! If I wasn't afraid I might see something that would scar me for life, I'd be tempted to have a sudden 'bathroom emergency' tomorrow morning."

"Leonard! You can't!" Penny gasped, suddenly completely serious. "He really **is** trying. And I've found out that under all that craziness, he really does love Amy. If you go and do something stupid or tease him about it, he'll probably crawl back into his shell and stay there forever." She reached out and took his hand, holding it in both of hers. "You have to promise me, Leonard, that you won't do anything to scare him off or mess this up. If nothing else, Amy deserves to be happy, and as crazy as it seems, Sheldon makes her happy. A Sheldon that can kiss her and touch her and… who knows… maybe even make love to her one day will make her very happy. Please don't mess that up, Leonard!"

Leonard leaned in and kissed Penny lightly on the lips. "Do you have any idea how amazing you are?" he asked, "As much as Sheldon has aggravated you over the years and you can still be such a great friend to him. I hope he appreciates that."

Penny looked down at their hands, still intertwined in her lap. She looked back up, a note of pleading in her eyes. "Do you promise?"

Leonard nodded. "I promise. Heck, if this works out maybe Sheldon will start spending the night at Amy's sometimes and I can actually start taking longer showers!"

Penny punched him playfully. "You have me! You don't need longer showers!"

Leonard laughed. "Yes, but sometimes you work the late shift, and **then** I need a longer shower!"

Penny laughed and leaned over to kiss him. "I'm not working the late shift tonight!"

* * *

FF_1807614_ 3/30/2013


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Sheldon and the other characters have taken over this fic. I have an outline, I swear, but as soon as I sit down to write, one of them comes up with an idea and I'm running off in a different direction. I've put my foot down, however; that we have to keep this more-or-less in line with the events on the show. Not fully canon, of course, but not deviating too far off. I've told Sheldon and Amy that, once the season finale airs and we've written our chapter for that, we can continue this during the summer anyway they want. **

**I'm also going to apologize, yet again, for taking so long to update. That, however, is my fault, not the characters'. I hope you'll forgive me and continue to read, follow and review.**

**DISCLAIMER: Same as before.**

* * *

Sheldon carefully zipped his trousers over the Rubik's cube. It was snug, but manageable. He patted his pockets, secure in the knowledge that his Nintendo DS and his PSP would get him through what was sure to be an interminable evening.

It had been Penny's idea to guest star on _Fun with Flags_, as a cover story to explain why Sheldon was spending so much time with her. Even though they actually filmed the episode, and even though Sheldon had to admit Penny was very helpful, the lie, as lies so often do, backfired. Sheldon was now obligated to want to go with Amy to see Penny's play. And it wasn't even a real Date Night. Further, Penny suggested – strongly – that Sheldon work on his next assignments this evening after the play. Leonard would be meeting Penny backstage and taking her for a romantic late dinner, so Sheldon could take Amy back to his apartment, where, admittedly, he was more comfortable. Still, this was all moving much too fast.

He still thought Penny was joking when she told him that many couples actually had coitus on the third date. She also indicated that most couples went on dates every week or two which meant they could feasibly be copulating within a month. Even if he considered Valentine's Day their "first date", at least the first since his decision to work with Penny to further his physical relationship; the three date rule, if it really **was** a rule, when factored together with the once-a-month Date Night, meant that coitus would be expected in April or May. On the other hand, if tonight was considered their "second date", then he needed to be prepared to have intercourse with Amy on their very next date, and that was, categorically, too soon.

Sheldon reached for his Etch-A-Sketch and, hiking up his jacket, he tucked the toy down the back of his pants. He needed to put a stop to this ridiculous collaboration now. After the play, he would have Amy drop him off at his apartment and then send her on her way. Tomorrow morning he would inform Penny that he was dropping the whole idea and would return his relationship with Amy back to the point it was before all this madness took hold of him. He would simply have to work harder to control those baser urges. Perhaps a desert retreat would improve the effectiveness of Kohlinaar. After all, Spock himself went on a retreat to perfect his mastery of the techniques. Sheldon shouldn't expect them to work to their full effect if he was not willing to commit to a similar level of full-time practice, at least until he was more in control. Tomorrow he would look into booking a train ticket to Palm Springs for the weekend.

Having made a decision, he felt himself relax. He mentally shushed the nagging voice in his head that was reminding him of the four other times in the past few days that he'd come to similar, although conflicting, decisions. This time he would not allow his urges and emotions to change his mind yet again. He valued Amy's friendship and he appreciated that, as his girlfriend, she was obligated under the terms of the Relationship Agreement to perform services that his other friends would not. He, Sheldon Cooper, did not need or want all the unsanitary touching and exchange of bodily fluids that was so much a hallmark of the average human's romantic entanglements. And if his nether regions differed with that opinion, he would simply have to bring those parts in line. He may not always be the master of his bladder, but he would be the master of his gonads!

Sheldon straightened his shoulders and prepared to walk out to join Leonard and Amy. Although he planned to bring their collaboration to an official end, he could admit that Penny had been very helpful and also, to his immense relief and admitted surprise, quite discrete. To show his appreciation, he would go to the play and applaud her achievement, even if it bored him silly. He owed her that much. Tomorrow, his life would be back to normal.

* * *

After the first act, Sheldon's mind wandered. The play seemed to be about nothing but two women talking about men and marriage and having babies and people dying. The one woman claimed to be a teacher but the rest of the characters seemed to be little more than uneducated cretins. Sheldon couldn't be less interested. He wished they'd get to the part with the streetcars.

He fidgeted in his seat. Leonard effectively confiscated his stash of games with which to pass the time and as a result, his mind was wandering. With Amy sitting next to him, he was once again recalling some of the intimate activities they'd recently engaged in. Given recent developments, he was actually quite surprised that Amy wasn't clutching his hand, as she always did in movie theaters. He found it curious that he actually… missed… the contact. It was something he had come to expect when they spent time in a theater and Sheldon hated when events did not follow his expectations. He supposed he could reach over and take her hand himself…

No! He snatched his hand back and quickly gripped it with the other. He was resolved to return his relationship to the pre-Valentine's state. Pre-Valentine's Sheldon would not initiate contact with Amy Farrah Fowler. He needed to maintain control. He tried to focus again on the stage.

Penny seemed to have a pivotal role, and he had to admit she was doing an amazing job. He whispered as much to Amy. As his attention returned to the play, he was struck by one of her lines.

"You love her very much, don't you?"

He understood that Penny's character, Blanche, was actually speaking about the other character's mother, but she could just as easily be speaking to Sheldon about Amy. He had admitted to Penny that he might have such feelings. He'd blurted outright that he loved her. Although he knew Penny manipulated him into that admission, he couldn't really deny it, even if he wasn't entirely sure what it meant. Blanche continued to speak on the stage and Sheldon was fascinated.

"…I made the discovery – love. All at once and much, much too completely. It was like you suddenly turned a blinding light on something that had always been half in shadow, that's how it struck the

world for me."

The rest of the speech was disturbing and, Sheldon thought, overly dramatic. But that bit about something that was half in shadow - perhaps love, for him, was like that. Perhaps it was something that had always been there, available to him, but in a shadow where he couldn't see it; where he could imagine it didn't exist.

Amy, he realized, was the blinding light. She made him see things he previously believed didn't exist, like the value of sciences other than Physics, or the entertainment in British television series that didn't involve time-travelling Doctors. Was it possible that she also shone a blinding light on love – that is, on romantic love?

Sheldon felt his resolve receding. He was curious to pursue this new possibility and with it, he might be able to find a way to tolerate some of those disturbingly messy activities that Penny suggested. He would… yes… tonight after the play he would ask Amy to come up for a euphemistic "night cap". He didn't suppose he could ask her to shower thoroughly before he ventured into the uncharted territory of second base. He would have to restrict things to the minor league version… at least for now. It wasn't as if he never touched Amy's skin. Truthfully, the skin that second base would require him to touch was in all likelihood cleaner than her hands, since it spent most of the day covered by multiple layers of clothing. Sheldon was suddenly glad that Leonard confiscated his toys earlier, notably the Rubik's cube. He needed to stop planning his post-theater activities or his intentions would be obvious to everyone once he stood up to leave.

Focusing once again on the stage, he noticed that the actor was pulling Penny into his arms. After a moment, the man was kissing Penny, and definitely not in a friendly, comforting way. Sheldon glanced at Leonard, who was watching calmly as another man played tongue-twister with his girlfriend. He turned to look at Amy, who seemed mesmerized by the action on stage. Suddenly, Sheldon was very, very glad that Amy was not an actress.

Slowly, he reached his right hand over and, as the curtain came down, he took Amy's hand into his. Amy glanced down at their joined hands. Then she turned and when their eyes met, she smiled.

Oblivious to the wild applause, Sheldon smiled back.

* * *

As he and Amy walked up the stairs to the fourth floor, Sheldon sensed an uncomfortable silence. The silence in itself was not notable; the discomfort was. The two frequently spent hours in each other's company, perfectly comfortably, without exchanging a single word of idle conversation. He supposed his discomfort had less to do with the silence and more to do with the fact that silence allowed him to realize that he was about to attempt second base with Amy Farrah Fowler, but had no notion as to how to initiate the event.

On the ride home, they had discussed the play, and Penny's phenomenal performance. Sheldon realized he was a bit disturbed at the level of enthusiasm with which Amy described, not only her friend's acting, but also the details of her wardrobe and make-up. Amy had quite literally gushed over how beautiful Penny was in the role of Blanche. He supposed it was nothing more than a "girl crush", but as he was not very familiar with the parameters of such a relationship, he wondered if this was something that bore watching. He supposed the attraction was harmless enough, so long as Penny was with Leonard. Still, he sensed a primitive part of himself rearing its head and urging him to either punch Penny – something the Texas gentleman in him could never do – or grab Amy, wrap his arms tightly around her and drive any thoughts of Penny or anyone else out of her mind.

Where had that come from? Sheldon recognized the feeling. It was similar to what he felt when Amy briefly dated Stuart and even more similar to the state of mind he experienced after Leonard escorted Amy to a wedding and returned complaining of overextended groin muscles.

Sheldon Cooper refused to accept the notion that he was jealous. Although on the face of it, he had to admit what he was feeling resembled that emotion in some ways. He preferred to believe he was concerned for Amy's well-being and reluctant to see her hurt, should she leave him for a relationship with someone who was unsuitable or would not fully return her interest. Stuart was simply beneath her. Leonard, while closer to Amy in intellect, was and always would be hopelessly in love with Penny. At most, any relationship between them would be short-lived and end with Amy hurt. Penny, Sheldon was quite sure, simply had no interest in women in that context and so would rebuff any advances on Amy's part, again ending in hurt for the woman he loved.

There was that word again – love. Did he truly love Amy? Sheldon loved his mother, his Meemau and even his sister. On a different level, he loved Leonard and also Penny, as exasperating as she sometimes was. His feelings for his family members extended beyond his feelings for his friends. He was aware that he would always love his family, even if they were not close, or when, eventually, they might die. He was also aware that they could do nothing that would cause him to stop loving them. They, especially his sister, might do things that would cause him not to like them, but he would never stop loving them. Some of his feelings for Amy were quite similar. He was concerned for her welfare and would be very sad if something happened to her, or if she for some reason were no longer part of his life. Like his family, Sheldon felt his feelings for Amy would persist even if she left or did something that caused him to no longer like her. But beyond that, there was something else; something more that he couldn't quite describe. At best he recognized it as a deep need to spend time with her, without caring about what activities, if any, they engaged in. The play this evening was an excellent example. Without question he agreed to attend in part as a way of showing his thanks to Penny for her help. But the icing on the cake was the chance to spend the evening with Amy.

And then there were those other feelings. The ones he managed for years to never feel about another person.

…

Amy was sitting primly on the couch, sipping the hot cocoa that Sheldon prepared. She caught his eye and smiled at him, nodding to indicate her appreciation of the drink. He realized she was confused by his actions. After offering and preparing the beverage, he spent the last ten minutes making any excuse not to sit with her. He washed the pot in which he heated the milk, then needlessly cleaned off the table top, after which he spent a few moments shifting the papers and books on his desk. He'd finished his own cocoa as well as a full bottle of water while pacing around the living room and desperately trying to appear as if he wasn't pacing. He truly had no clue how to proceed. He only knew he had to do something fast or Amy would finish her beverage, and, in deference to the lateness of the hour, take her leave.

"Sheldon, we've known each other for nearly three years and in that time, I don't think I've ever seen you so agitated, assuming that I am correctly interpreting your actions. Is something bothering you?"

"Oh, dear," Sheldon exclaimed under his breath. He couldn't put it off any longer. Slowly, he walked to his spot and sat down. He wondered briefly if his spot knew how it was about to be defiled. He wondered if his spot realized how ridiculous it sounded when it was anthropomorphized in that way.

He turned to face Amy. And he suddenly relaxed. This was Amy. Amy was nearly always reasonable. All he needed to do was explain things to her rationally. She would understand. Amy understood the scientific method and would welcome the opportunity to assist him in his discoveries.

"_But a woman wants to be wooed…"_ said a voice in his head that sounded like a bizarre amalgamation of Penny and Howard with a touch of Raj thrown in. _"She wants to be swept away in the moment. She doesn't want romance to be planned and scheduled._"

Okay, so he couldn't lay out the entire plan to her. That didn't mean he couldn't discuss their imminent activities at all. Sheldon realized that, in large part, his discomfort came from the idea that he was expected to spring his next moves on Amy without her knowledge. That sort of thing went against the both the letter and the spirit of the Relationship Agreement. He needed to stop violating the Agreement willy-nilly. He suddenly understood that he needed to approach this change in his own way. He could take advice from Penny and allow her to provide general direction for their collaboration, but the actual execution needed to come from Sheldon himself. And that required that any further activities be covered by the Relationship Agreement.

"Amy," he began, "I'm concerned that, on our last date…"

"You mean on Valentine's Day?" Amy blurted out as her eyes grew wide. She turned slightly, focusing her full attention on her boyfriend.

"Yes, on Valentine's Day." Sheldon agreed. "On Valentine's Day, I… I committed several violations of the Relationship Agreement." He was speaking quickly, not wanting Amy to interrupt before he finished what he needed to say. "I want to apologize, but I also want to ask if you would be opposed to amending the agreement, effective immediately, to allow for… um…" He'd written several drafts of an amendment but each included varying degrees of advanced intimacy and he couldn't decide which to propose. Finally, he decided to go for broke. "… to allow for unlimited hand-holding, cuddling and kissing, during designated Date Nights or such other times as the boyfriend and the girlfriend may mutually agree, provided such activity shall be restricted to such times and locations where reasonable privacy can be assured and that under no circumstances does this amendment constitute a negation of the clause prohibiting Public Displays of Affection. Further, activities of a physical or intimate nature may be extended beyond those enumerated here, by mutual agreement, without the need for further amendment, provided the activities are discussed and agreed to in advance or that the party of the first part, initiating the extended activity, proceeds with due caution, allowing the party of the second part, the recipient of the activity, to deny said activity either verbally or by action or inaction denoting his or her denial. Upon receipt of such denial the party of the first part will immediately cease and desist the aforementioned activity. Any subsequent attempt to initiate such activity, by either party, must then be agreed to in advance by both parties." Sheldon sucked in air.

Amy sat quietly. After a moment, she turned her head and took another sip of her cocoa, then carefully set the cup on the table and turned back. Sheldon studied her face, but could not determine her reaction. Perhaps he should have opted for the stricter version of the amendment; the one that clearly defined each allowed activity. He wasn't sure if Amy would approve of the version that gave him carte blanche to paw at her at will. Would she realize that he had put in the part about extended activities to allow for everything up to and including coitus, without actually mentioning it? If she agreed to this version, he was covered for whatever he might want or be assigned to do.

"Wait, Sheldon," Amy was smiling, "let me catch up. You're… apologizing… for holding me in your arms, for stroking my hair and for kissing me? Is that correct?"

Sheldon nodded, lowering his head. He realized that he truly had made an error by, in essence, forcing himself on Amy. Regardless of the fact that she was smiling, and although he felt sure she had been a willing, if somewhat surprised, participant, he was truly ashamed of his actions on their last evening together. It was the shame of having violated his own agreement that had made him so unsure of proceeding. He could only hope that Amy would forgive him and accept the amendment. Otherwise, he would have to accept that their relationship… perhaps even their friendship… was over, and all through his own fault.

"Sheldon?" Amy continued. "Sheldon, please look at me. I sense this is a momentous crossroads in our relationship, and I'd like for us both to meet it honestly and directly."

Sheldon raised his head and fixed his gaze on Amy.

"Sheldon, while I understand that the Relationship Agreement holds great importance for us both, I believe we must recognize that it is meant to guide us, not restrict us. For that reason, I want you to know that I forgive you for your violations, but I also want you to know that, I feel, there is nothing to forgive. All you did was to anticipate the need for the amendment you just suggested." Amy reached out and took one of Sheldon's hands in hers. "If, prior to Valentine's Day, you had asked me to sign an amendment like that, I would have done so not just willingly, but happily. And then nothing that happened that night would have been a violation."

Amy leaned back and straightened her shoulders, reaching out to take Sheldon's other hand. "Therefore, if you agree, I'd like to propose that the Agreement is amended per your suggestion, retroactive to February 14, 2013."

Sheldon felt Amy squeeze his hands. Strange, he'd barely been aware that she was holding them. For the first time ever, it didn't bother him at all and he wasn't wondering how long he would have to tolerate the contact before he could stop it without offending her. In fact, he was thinking he could sit like this with her for a very long time, if only he didn't have to go relieve himself. He squeezed back.

"Thank you, Amy," Sheldon said, "I accept your proposal. I'd very much like to continue this discussion but right now I have a sixteen ounce bladder that is dealing with 26 ounces of cocoa and water. I really must go void the poor thing before it bursts!"

Amy laughed, released his hands and waved him away. "Go! Go! I wouldn't want your busted bladder on my conscious. I'll be waiting for you when you're done."

Sheldon smiled, then jumped up and ran to the bathroom.

When he returned, he sat down in his spot and immediately took Amy's hands back into his own. For a few moments, he sat just smiling at her. It occurred to him that he probably looked a bit goofy like that, but he didn't really care. It also occurred to him that he still didn't really know quite how to proceed with Penny's assignments, but he realized that, however he managed it, it would be on his own terms.

"Amy," he said, realizing that he knew all along where he most wanted to start, "may I kiss you?"

* * *

FF_1807614_ 4/14/2013


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Sorry, sorry, sorry this is so long in coming. A plot bunny came hopping my way (**_**The Daily Holiday Celebration**_**) and he's so much fun to play with that he distracted me from this story. Naughty bunny! Plus I've got two other fics in the works. There's more, but I'll save that for after the chapter. For now, Amy's got quite a surprise waiting for her…. **

**DISCLAIMER: Same as before.**

* * *

"Amy," Sheldon said, realizing that he knew all along where he most wanted to start, "may I kiss you?"

Amy was convinced she was living through some sort of unusually vivid dream. Of course, she'd dreamed of a Sheldon who gave her physical affection before. But typically, the dream faded just about the time the good part was about to start. Even Amy's subconscious mind had no experience to go on, and so her dream details didn't go much further.

She felt Sheldon squeeze her hands lightly and realized she wasn't dreaming. This was actually happening. She realized, despite how difficult it was to believe, that the events of Valentine's Day were just as real. Recalling what Sheldon just asked, she began nodding her head vigorously, excitedly anticipating the moment when, once again, Sheldon Cooper would be kissing her. She wondered if it would be just as good as their goodbye kiss. Perhaps it might be even better, although she found that hard to imagine.

"Amy." Sheldon said, squeezing her hands again, "Amy! If I'm going to kiss you, you need to stop nodding. My aim isn't that good! Heaven knows where I'll land if you don't sit still."

"Oh!" Amy said, "Oh! I'm sorry, Sheldon. You're right, of course. I promise I'll sit still." She stopped nodding and leaned forward, closing her eyes and puckering her lips, waiting for her boyfriend to plant one on her.

And waiting.

And waiting.

"It'th tchust I'm tho exthited that we're moving fo-wad in our wewationship, Thsheldon," she said around her puckered lips. Realizing that nothing was happening, Amy sat back and un-puckered her lips. She knew Sheldon hadn't left, since he was still holding her hands between them. She opened her eyes.

Sheldon was sitting back on the couch, his eyes wide, a look of something like horror on his face. It wasn't a very complimentary look.

"Sheldon? What's wrong?"

Sheldon shook his head a moment. He looked at Amy and squeezed her hands again. He seemed to be doing that a lot.

"Amy," he began, "I realize neither of us is very experienced in this area. Therefore, I think it's important for both of us to be very honest and forthright with each other, especially if one of us does something that the other finds displeasing. I want you to understand that I'm not being critical, but when you present yourself for me to kiss in that manner, it's a bit… off-putting. I feel as though I'm about to defile a sacrificial virgin. Coupled with your uncanny impression of Barry Kripke, I find myself not nearly as anxious to kiss you as I was a few moments ago."

Amy turned away and pulled her hands away from Sheldon's. "I'm sorry, Sheldon. I had no idea the sight of my pouty, red lips would be such a turn-off for you!"

Amy wasn't sure what to do. She couldn't believe that Sheldon went from proposing an expansive revision of the Relationship Agreement and asking to kiss her, to basically telling her that he found her repulsive. She wanted to run out the door and find a place where she could just crawl underground and hide. Yet part of her wondered why she was feeling so emotional. If she took a moment to think about it, what he'd said about being honest made sense. And she had to admit she had sounded amazingly like Kripke. She knew Sheldon was far from fond of the man he was forced to work with.

"Amy?"

Her confused thought processes were interrupted by the almost inaudible sound of Sheldon calling her name.

"Amy?" he said again, "do you not want me to kiss you anymore?"

Amy turned back to look at Sheldon. There was a look of almost pleading on his face.

"Amy," he continued, his voice just above a whisper, "your actions would appear to indicate denial of permission. Per the amendment just agreed to, I'm required to cease all attempts to kiss you. And if that's what you really want, then, I won't try to do it again. But Amy, I'm honestly confused. Just a moment ago, you seemed quite enthusiastic. I want to be sure I understand."

Amy gathered her thoughts and gave herself a quick mental face slap. This was Sheldon. She couldn't expect everything about him to change overnight and she wouldn't want him to. He constantly said things that were awkward, and she shouldn't expect his attempts at romance to be any different. She would have to constantly remind herself to breathe and count to ten before getting upset over whatever he might say. The reward was sure to be worth it.

"I'm sorry Sheldon. I know I must be sending mixed signals. So, in the spirit of the honesty of which you just spoke, I want you to know that I still very much want you to kiss me."

Sheldon leaned forward and Amy put a hand up to stop him. He drew back again, and Amy realized from the look on his face she had only confused him more.

"Just a moment Sheldon, as I said, I do want you to kiss me. And we can proceed with that in a moment, but just as you've told me something that displeases you, I need you to understand that it displeases me when you say my look displeases you just as you are about to kiss me. Say nothing, or tell me I'm beautiful, but save telling me I repulse you for a time when we aren't actually engaged in romantic pursuits."

Sheldon nodded. Amy could always tell when he was filing important information away in his brain.

"Very well, Amy." He reached over and took her hands again. "Amy, I do find you beautiful. You are both aesthetically pleasing as a female, as well as having the most amazingly lovely mind I have ever encountered. And I've met Stephen Hawking in person!"

The two sat for a while, Sheldon gently stroking his thumbs over Amy's hands. Amy still wasn't completely sure this wasn't a dream. If it was real, wouldn't Sheldon be kissing her by now? It was just like her dreams to tease her like this and not follow through. In times past, she understood why - there was no experience to go on. But she was sure now that Sheldon had kissed her once. She knew what that was like, and so did her subconscious. There shouldn't be a need to delay the outcome like this. Go ahead, subconscious, Amy urged, let him kiss me already!

"Amy, may I kiss you NOW?" asked Sheldon.

Oh, gosh! It wasn't her subconscious holding out on her. Sheldon was waiting for her to give the go-ahead.

"Yes, Sheldon. Yes, of course. Kiss me."

She resisted the urge to pucker and simply sat waiting. As Sheldon leaned forward, she leaned herself, just enough to meet his lips above their clasped hands. Like the last time, he was hesitant, as if he didn't know quite what to do once contact was engaged. He increased the pressure slightly. Then Sheldon released Amy's hands. She felt his fingers lightly stroking the sensitive spot below one ear as he moved his hand up behind and combed through her hair to grasp the back of her head and pull her closer. At the same time, his other hand moved up her arm, across her shoulder and, Oh My God! Amy couldn't believe it! Sheldon's hand was gently drifting down along the side of her chest and coming to rest just over the swell of her breast. He hesitantly squeezed just the tiniest bit. But wonder of wonders! Sheldon Lee Cooper found second base at long last! Amy resolved to never wake up again. She would gladly die in her sleep if this was a dream.

As Sheldon continued to gingerly squeeze and massage, Amy was aware of a tingling warmth that was creeping into her nether regions. She felt his thumb flick her hardened nipple through all four layers of clothing and thought she might spontaneously combust right there on his couch. She better not, she thought. He would never forgive her if she set fire to his spot.

Amy knew she shouldn't be greedy. For Sheldon, tonight represented leaps and bounds of progress and she was over the moon to think this sort of thing might become a common part of their interaction. But she couldn't help wonder if Sheldon would ever advance far enough to take care of the fire that he was currently stoking in her loins, or if she would just be that much more frustrated.

As she was pondering the purchase of a new toothbrush, she realized that Sheldon's lips were moving in a new and different way. They had parted slightly and she thought she could feel… YES! That was a tongue. And not just any tongue. That was Sheldon's tongue gently stroking her lips and urging them to allow entrance.

Amy parted her own lips and before she knew what was happening, she felt Sheldon's tongue moving inside her mouth, exploring and tasting her. She didn't know how long the kiss had lasted, but it felt both infinitely long and much too short. She thought of moving her own tongue to jostle with his, but realizing Sheldon's phobias were being pushed to the limit, she decided to wait. She would discuss it with him sometime when they were not actually engaged, so that it wouldn't shock him. There was, of course, a risk that he would refuse to allow it. But that was infinitely preferable to the risk that she might scare him away from the current kiss by moving too quickly.

Realizing her hands were still resting idle in her lap, she decided to venture into her own uncharted territory. Amy reached up encountering what she assumed was the side of Sheldon's chest. She decided to stick to what she thought would be safe territory and allowed her hand to drift down his side so she could gently caress his waist. As she neared his belt, however, Sheldon suddenly reared back, breaking all contact.

"Amy!" he shouted, bringing his hands back and cupping his crotch protectively.

"Sheldon?" Amy protested, "I wasn't… I wasn't going to… I was just going to put my hand on your waist, I wasn't going to touch your… parts."

Sheldon was breathing heavily. Amy could tell, despite what his hands were trying to hide, that Sheldon was as affected by their activity as she was. It dawned on her suddenly that women had the advantage of being able to keep such effects secret if they chose to do so. She knew that her skin was probably flushed and she was also breathing heavily. But those signs were much more subtle than the obvious, and she realized, rather impressive bulge that Sheldon was currently sporting. Knowing Sheldon as she did, she realized he would be mortified by such clear evidence of his basic humanity and the fact that he was really not much different from any other healthy adult male. She tore her eyes away and looked up, staring fixedly at his face.

"Sheldon, are you ok?"

Sheldon nodded, but remained mute. Suddenly, he rose from the couch, crouching slightly to maintain coverage over his genitalia, and ran awkwardly across the room and up the step to the bathroom. Dashing inside, he turned and gripped the door, leaning out so only his head and shoulders were visible.

"Amy," he said, "I think it best if you see yourself out." He paused a moment, catching his breath.

Amy sat stunned, once again not sure what to think of her suddenly mercurial boyfriend. Part of her was near tears and she knew she would be crying about this later that night.

"Amy."

Amy looked up again, not realizing that Sheldon was still standing in the doorway to the bathroom, apparently watching her as she dissolved into a puddle of embarrassed misery.

"Amy," his voice became gentle, "I…" he breathed heavily, then continued, "I care about you very much, Amy. It's important for you to know that. I'm not…. I'm not experimenting. I want to do this. It's just… it just moved too fast tonight. I promise I'll do better next time."

Amy looked down, unable to continue meeting the pained look on Sheldon's face, and wondering what he was seeing on hers that made him say such things.

"Amy? I'm sorry. Please…. I'll… I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

Amy nodded, stood up, collected her bag and left without looking back.

* * *

**Author's Note: Again, I'm sorry this took me so long to update. If you've been watching season 6 (well, of course you have), you know that the two or three episodes after The Monster Isolation are not all Shamy sweetness and light. Since this is supposed to be a companion fic, I needed to find a reason for some of the snarkiness and to incorporate that into this story. So I'm afraid we're headed into some angst. But fear not, the Shamy is resilient.**

FF_1807614_ 5/4/2013


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Please be assured that I've been chastising myself for leaving you all with the cliffhanger from the last chapter for over a month! I should be spanked…by Sheldon! ;-) Warning: More angst ahead. We'll probably be dealing with this for a few chapters. **

**DISCLAIMER: See chapter 1. Lather, rinse, repeat.**

* * *

_Knock, knock, knock._

Penny!

_Knock, knock, knock._

Penny!

_Knock, knock, knock._

Penny!

Penny opened the door a crack. She didn't have to look to know who was on the other side of the door.

"Sheldon. I'm sorry, but I can't help you with _Fun With Flags_ today. Penny put a slight emphasis on _Fun With Flags_ and jerked her head twice, quickly, toward the interior of the room.

"Penny!" Sheldon tried to push past her, but Penny wouldn't budge. "Penny, I don't care about _Fun With Flags_ right now. I've made a terrible error and I MUST speak to you."

"Ssshhhhh!" Penny was emphatically jerking her head and signaling for Sheldon to stop talking. She leaned out the door and whispered as quietly as she could, "Amy's inside, Sheldon! I can't talk with you right now. Just go back to your place. I'll call you as soon as I can!"

Sheldon's shoulders slumped in obvious relief, "Oh thank you Jesus! I've been texting and e-mailing and Skyping her all morning with no response. I even tried calling her phone! I couldn't reach her." Then his eyes went wide in horror. "What did she tell you?" he breathed.

"Enough. Now go back home before she hears you. Try not to worry, I think this is fixable. But Amy cannot find out about… _Fun With Flags_. You _**know**_ that!"

Sheldon's face fell. He desperately needed to discuss the previous night's debacle with Penny. He'd made the decision to put an immediate stop to this ridiculous experiment, but, and it shocked him somewhat to realize this, he didn't want to lose Amy. He needed Penny's help to see if there was any hope to salvage something out of the mess he'd made of his relationship. He didn't think a reboot would work this time.

Penny gently closed the door and turned around to face the two women sitting on her couch. Bernadette had a consoling arm around Amy, who was quietly sobbing.

When Penny and Leonard returned from their late after-theater dinner, Amy was waiting, perched on the top step of the stairs outside Penny's apartment. She was too upset to drive home, and the only thing she could think to do was wait for Penny to return. That was all the information Penny had been able to get from the distraught young woman. Realizing that Penny needed to help her friend, Leonard quickly excused himself.

Penny wondered if Leonard found out anything from Sheldon. All Penny was able to do the night before was to get Amy to drink some water. She pondered offering some soothing pharmaceuticals, but she knew Amy shied away from anything stronger than wine. And Penny didn't think getting the girl drunk was a good idea. Instead, she sat with her, holding her and making soothing noises until exhaustion took over and Amy fell asleep on the couch. Penny hardly slept at all, worrying about her friend. She sent an emergency text to Bernadette early this morning. Whatever happened, she was sure she would need reinforcements to deal with it.

After three cups of tea, Amy was just beginning to speak coherently about the previous evening's events. But she still paused every few moments for another crying jag. Thus far, the only thing Penny was sure about was that Amy and Sheldon were making out when they returned from the play. Penny was fairly sure that wasn't what was bothering the woman.

"Penny?" Amy called.

Penny turned and flew back to the couch, sitting beside her friend and putting a consoling arm across her shoulders.

"I'm here, sweetie. Can you tell us any more about what happened?"

Amy only shook her head and continued crying.

The only time Penny had dealt with a girlfriend who was in so much distress about a man, it had been a high school chum who moved in with her boyfriend, only to come to Penny's three days later with a swollen black eye and bruises across her arms and legs. The girl found out she was pregnant, and when she told her boyfriend, he accused her of trying to trap him and demanded she move out. But not before beating her black and blue and, as he put it, "having one more shot at her before she got fat and ugly", whether she wanted to or not. And she hadn't wanted to.

Penny was virtually certain nothing remotely similar happened between Sheldon and Amy. Sheldon might be a whack-o, who occasionally exhibited behavior that was a throwback to his Texan roots, but she didn't believe he was violent. Then Penny remembered that one never knew what really went on between a man and a woman in private. Amy didn't have any visible damage, but some men confined their beatings to areas that were usually covered by a woman's clothing. On the other hand, there might not be any visible damage if Sheldon had forced… No! No way! Penny simply couldn't believe that the admittedly crazy by basically gentle man could do such a thing. Still, if Amy was this upset and so reluctant to talk about it…

And then there was Sheldon's reaction when Penny told him Amy was there. He'd been terrified, and demanded to know what Amy said. It really couldn't be that! Could it?

Penny swore under her breath, causing Bernadette to look up from her renewed efforts at getting Amy calmed down. If Sheldon _**had**_ hurt Amy somehow Penny resolved to skewer his balls with a rusty icepick and roast them in front of his eyes. And to think she'd been trying to _**help**_ him!

Penny tried to dismiss such thoughts. After all, since Amy said nothing specific, she really had no clue what happened. Given the inexperience of both involved, it was entirely possible that things had gone farther than expected. Sheldon really didn't know what to do to prepare a woman. With Amy being a virgin, there might have been quite a bit of pain. On the other hand, it was also possible that Sheldon had made advances, but Amy was not as ready to get physical with him as she claimed. It was possible Amy simply ran scared from the situation. That could certainly explain Sheldon's reaction. After being told repeatedly that Amy wanted sex, he'd be extremely confused if she ran out on his first attempt at seduction.

Penny sighed. She wished Amy would calm down and tell them what happened. All this speculation was making her head spin.

Amy was hiccuping now. The sobs seemed to have subsided and she reached for the tepid tea. Penny stroked her friends back soothingly and helped her take a few sips. Amy reached for another tissue, sat back and wiped her eyes and tossed the tissue on top of a growing pile. She took in a very deep breath.

"That was Sheldon, wasn't it?" she asked, not looking at either of her friends.

"Yes, sweetie." Penny wasn't sure what to tell Amy about Sheldon's aborted visit. She figured the _Fun With Flags_ ruse wasn't a good idea, but she certainly wasn't going to tell Amy that she'd been schooling Sheldon on the art of seduction. She'd just have to wing it.

"He didn't really come over here to work on _Fun With Flags_, did he?"

"No, sweetie," Penny answered, handing Amy another tissue. "Sheldon… was worried about you. He's been trying to call you and he came over to see if I knew where you were."

Penny crossed her fingers, hoping against hope that this was all just some sort of misunderstanding or the confusion of the blind leading the blind; or one virgin leading another to be more exact. If it was anything more dire on Sheldon's part, expressing sympathy for the man to Amy could mean the end of their friendship.

"Oh!" Amy said, suddenly looking towards the door, "I hadn't thought about what he must be feeling. Do you think he's upset about all this, too?"

"Well, Amy," Bernadette interjected, "it's a little hard for us to tell since you haven't really told us what happened. Maybe if you give us a few more details, we might be able to help you work this out."

Amy glanced from Penny to Bernadette and back to Penny again.

"Yea, what she said." Penny said. "Why don't you try to just… calmly… tell us what happened. Start at the beginning. What did you two do when you got back from the theater?"

Finally, Amy began to describe the events of the prior evening. She told them of Sheldon's apology for breaching the Relationship Agreement and his proposal to revise it. Then she related Sheldon's hesitant request to kiss her. She nearly broke down again telling them about his reaction to her response to his request. Then she told them about the kiss itself. In much the way that Sheldon's descriptions of their Valentine's Day activities had provoked a response, Penny found herself uncomfortably squirming as Amy became increasingly vivid in her descriptions of the kiss and Sheldon's venture onto second base. Penny could hardly believe it. Who knew the Shamy was so hot?

Then Amy stopped. She was leaning forward, her head in her hands. Penny was afraid this might be the start of another crying jag. She looked helplessly at Bernadette and both women shrugged their shoulders, at a loss as to what more they could do. Then Amy reared back up.

"And then I put my hand on his chest. I had my eyes closed, so I was reaching out blind, you know? I just wanted to put my arm around him so I moved my hand down, but when I got to his waist, Sheldon stopped kissing me and ran in the bathroom. He…he…he had an _erection_!"

And…it started again. In the middle of her wailing, Amy reached over, grabbed two tissues, held them to her nose and blew explosively. Throwing those down, they landed on Bernadette's foot, who tried to kick the disgusting things off. Amy grabbed more tissues and wiped her eyes.

"No," Amy said, "no, I've got to stop this. You girls are so sweet to try and comfort me. You really are the best besties a girl could want. But I have to face the fact that Sheldon finds me repulsive. He'll never want anything more than an intellectual relationship with me, because HE CAN'T STAND THE THOUGHT OF ME TOUCHING HIM!"

Amy commenced to wail again, and Penny tried to grab more tissues, but the box was empty. She jumped up and ran to the bathroom, bringing back a roll of toilet paper. Ripping off a long sheet, she wadded it up and thrust it at her friend. At least now she had some idea of what the problem was. Lord, save her from inexperienced virgins!

"Amy," Bernadette soothed, "You need to stop crying, honey. I'm sure Sheldon isn't repulsed by you."

Penny started rubbing Amy's back again and motioned for Bernadette to go get some more tea for the weeping woman.

"He…he…he's not?" Amy looked up, and while she was hiccupping and her nose was running, she stopped crying and used the wad of toilet paper to blow her nose again.

"No, Amy." Penny shook her head to emphasize the point. "I know I'm not an expert in these matters…."

Amy snorted. The first glimmer of a smile crossed her face.

"Ok, well I _**do**_ have a bit of experience." Penny nodded, "And I can tell you from that experience that a man who is repulsed by a woman does not get a boner when he's kissing her." Penny wadded up more tissue and handed it to Amy.

"Wipe your eyes, sweetie. You've got so much mascara streaking down your cheeks you look like an Indian war chieftain."

Bernadette returned with three more cups of tea and Penny took a long swallow. She really needed something stronger to deal with the apparently ashamed Shamy, but tea would have to do for now.

"Amy," she began, choosing her words carefully. She couldn't let on that she'd been discussing this subject with Sheldon for several days now. "Obviously, Sheldon has realized that, like you, he wants to start taking your relationship to a new level. And like you, this is all very new to him. He may not have realized the affect that being close to you would have on him, and he's probably just terribly embarrassed. You need to give him the time to understand that it's perfectly normal, and that, really, it's kinda what you want to have happen at some point, if you're going to…you know."

Penny leaned back and tried to relax.

"I think he's just as concerned about you, Amy. He's probably thinking he scared you off, or that you're weirded out by… well, by what happened. If you feel up to it, you should really give him a call. At least let him know that you're ok. Then, later this afternoon, or maybe tomorrow, after you've had a chance to pull yourself together and change clothes, you can sit down and talk to him about what happened."

Amy looked up again at her friend. "You really think so?"

"Of course, I do, Amy. You're the Shamy! You two can get through anything if you just talk about it."

Amy frowned. "I told you, I don't like that name. Don't use that name."

* * *

**Author's Note: I just want to say that, apparently, I'm not in charge of this story anymore. Penny came up with that whole violence bit all by herself. How she could entertain such notions about Sheldon – even for a moment – is beyond me. This was not in my notes or my outline anywhere, but she just had to have her say. **

**I'm going to see if I have better luck keeping Sheldon in line in the next chapter. Wish me luck. **

FF_1807614_ 6/10/2013


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: **Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed and stuck with this thing through my spasmodic posting schedule. Special thanks to **Amy R. Kopytowski**, **dessertisserved** and **ShamyShake** whose enthusiastic welcome back reviews after my long absence really have inspired me. I promise to try very hard to update more frequently. And now – on to Chapter 12 - previous warnings of angst minefields still apply.

* * *

About an hour later, Bernadette left with Amy, promising to make sure she got home safely and got cleaned up. After seeing a thoroughly exhausted Amy showered and tucked into bed, she texted Penny to give her an update. The girls agreed that they would meet the following morning so that Penny could drive over to Amy's in Amy's car, which was still in the parking lot on North Los Robles. If Amy was feeling better, they would take her for some shopping therapy and continue to try and boost her wounded ego.

Penny called Leonard, who was working at the University, to see if Sheldon had spoken to him about what happened.

"After I left your place, Sheldon was already locked in his room." Leonard told her. "I knocked on the door and asked him if he was ok, but he wouldn't answer. I kept knocking and he finally yelled at me to leave him alone. He sounded mad, but at least he was alive, and he wasn't wandering the neighborhood, so I figured it was best to leave him alone."

"I guess he didn't go in to work today, huh?" asked Penny, "He was over here early wanting to talk to me about this mess, but Amy was still here, so I had to tell him to go back home."

"No." Penny knew her boyfriend well enough to detect a distinct note of concern in his voice. "There was a note on his door this morning saying he was calling in sick. Did you ever get Amy to tell you what went down between them?" asked Leonard.

Penny sighed, "It took a while, but this morning she finally calmed down enough to give us some details. It's really not that bad, but I guess from their perspective - - considering that put together they have all the experience of a twelve-year-old - - it's pretty epic. Apparently they were making out on the couch and '_little Sheldon_' stood up and took notice. Amy went to put her arm around Sheldon's waist while they were kissing, but I think Sheldon thought she was going to touch him - - you know - - there. That completely freaked him out, so he ran and hid in the bathroom."

By this time, Leonard was laughing so hard Penny had to hold the phone away from her ear.

"Leonard!" she yelled into the phone, "it's NOT funny! Amy's really upset about this. She thinks Sheldon hates her."

She waited a minute as Leonard got his laughter under control. "I'm sorry, Penny! I just can't imagine Sheldon Cooper getting all hot and bothered." Leonard paused a moment, sucking in badly needed air. "But why does Amy thinks he hates her? Don't tell me she doesn't know what it means when that happens?"

"She knows, Leonard," Penny continued, "but right now all she can think of is that he ran away from her. She doesn't really think he hates her, she just thinks that he doesn't find her attractive."

"I repeat, Penny. Does she not know what it means when a man gets a hard-on?"

Penny started laughing herself. "Oh, Leonard, our little birdies are growing up, but I think they still have a lot to learn." She sighed, "I hope our own kids don't cause us this much problems."

She heard Leonard's quick intake of breath on the other end of the phone and clapped a hand over her mouth, realizing what she just said. She waited, wondering if Leonard would make a big deal of it or let it pass by.

"I…. I guess we're getting good practice," came the hesitant reply. The silence stretched between them for a moment.

"Yea," said Penny after what seemed like a century. "I - - should probably go over there and see if I can get the story from Sheldon's side. I just hope those two can work their way out of this mess. I wish I could convince them that they just need to talk about this stuff honestly, and without embarrassment. But Sheldon insists he can't tell Amy outright what he's up to and Amy's scared to death that if _**she**_ brings up the subject, she'll drive him away and lose him."

She heard Leonard take another deep breath. She guessed he was just as glad as she was to get past her little slip. She just hoped he wouldn't insist on talking about it later. If she could get Sheldon and Amy to talk about things half as much as Leonard _**wanted**_ to, they would have no problems at all.

"Do you think I should try to talk to him, Penny?"

"Let me get back to you on that after I talk to him. You're not supposed to know anything about this, remember? He knows Amy was here this morning, and I'm sure he knows she talked about things, but in the state he's in, if he gets the idea that you know anything about what's going on, he'll figure I spilled the beans about his crazy lessons."

"Ok, Penny," Leonard replied, "I'll keep my mouth shut unless he brings it up. I'll see you tonight, ok?"

Penny snorted. "Ok, sweetie. Considering the state Amy was still in this morning, I may still be over there with Sheldon when you get home."

Leonard laughed, "Well then, I'll see you sooner rather than later."

"Good-bye, Leonard!"

Penny ended the call and went back to her bedroom. She still needed a shower and she should probably put on something a bit more conservative than her usual 'around the house' gear. Now that Sheldon's equipment knew how to come to attention, she didn't need it happening for the wrong woman. That would just make an already complicated situation worse.

* * *

Penny knocked on the door a third time, smiling for a moment to realize she was inadvertently mimicking the signature knock of the very person she was trying to get in to see.

"C'mon, Sheldon. I know you're in there and if you don't open this door, I'll just go get my key and come in anyway." She waited a few more seconds. "Under these circumstances, Sheldon, _**logic dictates**_ that you should let me in."

The door opened slowly. Sheldon stood aside, allowing Penny to come in. He apparently had changed back into his pajamas and robe. Penny wondered for a moment if these were his Thursday pajamas left over from last night or his Friday pajamas in anticipation of tonight. She tried to examine his expression, but he seemed to be staring intently at his feet. Once she was fully inside, he slowly closed the door, lifting one hand to apply the slight amount of pressure needed for the latch to engage. Penny expected him to sit in his spot, offer her a beverage, or at least make some veiled and possibly unintentional insult, but the tall man just stood staring at the door - - or perhaps at nothing.

"Hoo boy," she said as she made her way across the living room towards Leonard's usual seat, "this is worse than I thought." Passing by the coffee table she noticed a slim, bound booklet lying open. Glancing down she read the heading that was sprawled across the top of the open page in large, fancy type. _Notice of Relationship Termination_. An old fashioned ink cartridge pen sat on top of the page. Several spots of ink near the signature line were evidence that Sheldon had started to sign the paper several times. "Oh, no!" Penny breathed, grabbing the booklet. "This really is worse than I thought!"

Suddenly, she felt a full-blown Nebraska rage bubbling up inside her. Turning to face the man who still hadn't turned from the door, she rolled the booklet up into a cylinder, holding it in her fist like a club.

Just then Sheldon whirled and before Penny could speak, he stood towering over her, and snatched the papers out of her hand.

"Don't touch that, Penny! You can't touch that!" He practically screamed at her. "This is the Relationship Agreement between myself and Amy and, as such, is confidential. Seeing as you are neither a qualified attorney, nor an advocate nor an arbitrator, it is _**none of your business**_."

Penny flinched as he shook the booklet up and down in front of her nose. He seemed to suddenly realize what he was doing and stopped in mid-shake, carefully unrolling the booklet and bending over to flatten it down on the coffee table, endeavoring to remove the slight curling that resulted from its recent treatment.

"The Relationship Agreement," he continued, his voice quavering with what might have been anger, or reverence, or anguish, "is sacrosanct. It is not to be abused or brandished about like a medieval mace or flail."

Apparently not satisfied with his efforts on the coffee table, Sheldon stood up and walked behind the couch to the bookcase, where he selected a huge and apparently very heavy volume. Taking the book and the agreement over to his desk, he cleared a spot next to his laptop and carefully lay the agreement face down, again flatting out the slight curling. Holding the booklet flat with one hand, he carefully set the heavier volume on top. When he was finished, he stood for a moment, his back to the living room. Penny watched as he visibly straightened, then relaxed his shoulders. He laid one hand gently on top of the impromptu paperweight. Penny was suddenly reminded of a similar gesture she'd seen many people make, laying a hand atop a casket at a funeral - - bidding their final goodbyes. She shuddered.

"Penny," she heard Sheldon say, "Please have a seat. May I offer you a beverage? Leonard is at work, of course, but he should be home in about an hour if you would like to wait. I believe you still have one or two shows recorded on our Tivo that you can entertain yourself with."

Reaching behind herself, Penny grasped the arm of the chair and sat down, momentarily stunned. She needed to regroup, and fast. Amy's relationship might be on life support but she refused to accept that it was dead - - not yet - - and not without a fight. She wasn't about to let all of her hard work go to waste.

"Sheldon Lee Cooper, you sit your butt down on this couch right now and you listen to me, you tall Texas twit!"

Penny was gratified to see Sheldon's jaw drop and his eyes go wide. She was banking on the chance that she could channel Mary Cooper's patented ability to ride herd on her headstrong son. Thankfully, it appeared to work. Sheldon eyed her suspiciously, but he slowly began to move toward the couch, where he sat down. She stared at him piercingly the entire time, doing her best to maintain eye contact. He wasn't totally under her control, but at least he might listen. Penny hoped he would.

"Sheldon," she said softly, doing her best to modulate her voice into soothing tones. "Amy told me about - - what happened between the two of you last night."

Sheldon clasped his hands and wedged them between his knees, turning his head and casting his eyes down and away from her.

"Sheldon," Penny repeated, "I want you to promise me right now, before we go any further, that you won't make any - - irreversible decisions - - until you talk this out with Amy."

The man sitting opposite jerked his head up and stared at her. "Talk to Amy? Talk to Amy!" he snorted. "Amy will never want to talk to me again!" He waved a hand in a negative gesture. "Oh no, no, no, no, no. Amy Farrah Fowler is disgusted with me and I'm quite sure she wants nothing more to do with me."

Penny thought she noticed a tear glistening in his eye, but it could just be a trick of the light.

"No, Penny." Sheldon lightly slapped his hands down on his knees to emphasize his point. "The only gentlemanly thing to do is to offer to terminate the relationship immediately, if only to save Amy the embarrassment of doing so herself."

Penny shook her head. "What in heaven's name makes you think Amy _**wants**_ to terminate anything? I spent most of the night with her and the one thing I got was that she's terrified that _**you **_want to end it all. I swear, Sheldon Cooper, you're a lunatic and your girlfriend is completely bonkers and between the two of you, you will both drive me insane!"

Sheldon leaned back, a confused look on his face. "End it all?" With a slight shake of his head, the physicist continued. "Penny, I assure you…" He leaned forward again, his elbows on his knees and his hands steepled just below his chin. "…and I trust you will inform Amy of this point. I am by no means suicidal. I am simply being realistic. My - - experience - - last night has made me realize that my original instincts were sound. I must suppress my baser urges completely lest they run amok. I must cease this perilous pursuit of…" Sheldon paused, a shudder passing through his lanky frame. "…sexuality, and rededicate myself solely to the pursuit of science." He straightened again, crossing his arms across his chest. "Only through the complete suppression of these - - feelings - - can I avoid the unthinkable. However, I am not unaware that Amy may still wish to engage in emotional and physical - - intimacies. The only honorable thing to do, therefore, is to release her from her obligations to me so that she can seek such engagement elsewhere."

It took Penny a moment to translate all the Sheldon-speak in her head. "Wha? Wait, wait, wait - - Sheldon, just what unthinkable thing are you avoiding? I thought you wanted to do this, too?"

"Wanted to? Want…" Sheldon's eyes flashed with anger. "Penny, I never…how could you think… Penny, I… I nearly debauched the woman last night!"

"Who's debauching whom?"

The door slammed shut and Penny and Sheldon both turned startled faces to see Leonard toss his keys into the bowl. He quickly walked to his desk where he deposited his bag in the chair and turned to face the other two.

"Excuse me, but when I come home to hear my roommate declaring to my girlfriend that he debauched a woman, I think someone needs to catch me up."

* * *

FF_1807614_ 6/15/2013


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: **Wow, Chapter 13. I hope no one out there is triskaidekaphobic. Thanks as always for the lovely reviews. They really keep me going. Special note to dessertisserved – this puppy is far from finished, although I think the angsty weather will be clearing up soon.

* * *

"I did not say I **_actually_** debauched a woman, Leonard. I said I **_nearly_** debauched her." Sheldon shifted his position so that he could more comfortably face Leonard. "And the woman in question was Amy, of course. I have no interest in debauching your girlfriend." He glanced at Penny. "It would, in any event, be impossible as any debauching of Penny occurred many years ago." Sheldon waved a hand as if to dismiss the subject.

Penny scowled at his comment, but realized she couldn't really say much. It was true, after all, even if she could have done without Sheldon needlessly pointing it out. She stood up and walked over to throw her arms around Leonard's neck and kissed him deeply on the lips. She was fairly certain Leonard was more curious than concerned or insecure about what he'd overheard, but it never hurt to give him a little assurance.

"Uh - - **_Ex-cuse me_**," Sheldon announced. "Section 8, paragraph B, sub-paragraph 5 of the Roommate Agreement limits displays of affection in public areas of the apartment to handshakes and quick hugs. Kisses, if absolutely necessary, must be restricted to light pecks, preferably on the cheek, of no more than 500 milliseconds in duration."

Both Penny and Leonard turned to glower at Sheldon, their lips still awkwardly connected.

"Leonard," Sheldon went on. "Get your woman in line. You're still responsible for her infractions, you know."

"Welcome home, sweetie," Penny said, as the two pointedly ignored that last remark. She lowered her arms from around her boyfriend's neck, leaving her hands to rest on his chest. "Sheldon and I were just talking about what happened to make Amy so upset last night. And based on what she told me, Sheldon was violating that Agreement big time right there on the couch." She pivoted on one foot and walked to the refrigerator. Opening it, she peered inside, and then turned to ask, "Would anyone else like something to drink?"

"No, thank you," came a subdued voice from the couch.

"Just water." Leonard answered as he shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over the chair. He strode across the floor to sit where Penny had been moments before. "So, you and Amy, huh? I guess you two had a pretty big night. You wanna talk about it?"

"Not particularly." Sheldon answered; his voice barely above a whisper. "It's Friday night," he continued, his volume rising. "Shouldn't we be thinking about ordering food for Vintage Video Game night? It's Chinese night. Penny, if you're staying we can order the Pu-pu platter."

"Oh, I'm definitely staying, Sheldon." Penny joined the two men, handing a bottle of water to her boyfriend and perching herself comfortably on the arm of his chair as she took a long swig from her own drink. "But I don't think you'll be having game night tonight. We still have work to do on this relationship of yours."

"But Penny," Sheldon protested, grabbing a garishly colored plastic cartridge from the table beside him. "It would be rude to disappoint Howard and Raj, to say nothing of Leonard. They look forward to Friday nights when we play such classics as Donkey Kong, Zork and a perennial favorite, Frogger." He waved the cartridge in the air and Penny could see the stylized graphic of a large green frog that covered the front.

"You're dodging the subject, Sheldon." Penny was beginning to sound like a scolding parent. Leonard sipped his water and did his best not to smile as she continued. "You know very well that Bernadette and Howard are going to her parents for dinner tonight and Raj has a date with Lucy. That leaves just the three of us, and we have more important things to do than kill innocent trolls with hammers and axes."

Deflated, Sheldon returned the video game cartridge to the stack on the table. "Oh all right," he agreed. "But if you insist on all this boring and intrusive talk about _feelings_ and _relationships_ - - which, I remind you, is none of your business - - then we will need to at least order that Chinese food. I'm suddenly famished."

"Ok, sweetie," Penny said, standing up from her perch. "You guys order. Leonard, you know what I like." She walked over to the door and opened it. "I'm going to go give Amy a call. With Bernadette at her parents' house, Amy's alone tonight and I want to make sure she's ok." She noticed Sheldon's terrified look and quickly added, "Don't worry, Sheldon. I won't tell her anything she doesn't already know. This may take a little while, so if the food gets here before I get back, you guys go ahead without me."

When the door closed behind her Leonard got up and retrieved the menu for the Chinese restaurant. Sheldon ordered his usual and tried to convince Leonard that he needed to go pick up their order rather than having it delivered. But for once, Leonard put his foot down and refused to go, claiming he was too tired. In reality, he could tell that Sheldon was on an emotional edge and was simply covering. There was no telling what Leonard might come home to if he was left alone. Besides which, Leonard wanted to take advantage of Penny's absence to see if he could coax Sheldon into talking things out, man to man. There were things, after all, that a guy just couldn't - - or at least shouldn't - - discuss with his roommate's girlfriend.

Once the order was placed, an uncomfortable silence descended on the room. Leonard thought hard, trying to determine how he could re-introduce the subject, without letting on how much he already knew.

"Sheldon," he began, "you really should talk to me about what happened."

Sheldon was doing his best to ignore his friend. He grabbed the remote, stabbed the power button to turn the television on and began viciously cycling through channels.

"You know," Leonard went on, "Amy talked to Penny half the night. And whatever Amy told Penny, Penny's gonna tell me. So you're much better off letting me hear it from you first. Besides which, don't you think it might help to get the opinion of someone who has a bit more experience where women are concerned?"

Sheldon turned to stare at his roommate and Leonard quickly added before the other man could interrupt, "Before you say something disparaging about my track record with women, may I remind you that Penny and I have been together now for a little over a year and we're in a pretty good place. She even admitted she loves me. So while I may not be a Casanova, I'm still more knowledgeable in these matters than you could possibly be. So stop stalling and lay it on me. What exactly happened?"

Sheldon sighed. He stared at the ceiling for a few moments before lowering his gaze again to focus on his friend. "I suppose resistance is futile?"

"You betcha, buddy," came the answer. "Now, spill."

Sheldon sighed again then took a deep breath. "You recall, Leonard, a few weeks ago your girlfriend asked if I would ever _get physical_ with Amy."

"Yes," Leonard responded. "You said, '_It's a possibility_'." Leonard sat back in his chair and sipped his water.

"Exactly." Sheldon stood up and walked to the kitchen, continuing as he went. "If you recall, I also touched on my life-long issues with certain types of physical contact and said I was working on those."

"I remember."

Sheldon opened the refrigerator and peered intently at the variety of available cold beverages. "In the past two weeks, that effort has advanced from the theoretical to the experimental." He reached in and grabbed the milk jug, turned and set it down on the counter then moved to get a glass. "Amy and I have engaged in a significant amount of touching, as well as some brief exchanges of saliva."

Returning the milk, Sheldon picked up his full glass and began walking back. Leonard noticed the man was avoiding eye contact.

"Last night, we were progressing into the realm I've discovered is known as _second base._" He sat down and took a long swig of his milk, setting the now half-empty glass carefully on a coaster. Then he looked Leonard squarely in the eyes. "I find, Leonard that my aversion to such activity has all but abated, at least with Amy. In fact, I quite enjoy it. Last night, however, I was enjoying things much faster than I anticipated. It became overwhelming and I realized that, much like Spock in the midst of the _plok tow_, I might lose all control. I'm sure you understand that I cannot allow such a thing to happen. I care far too much for Amy to risk hurting her in any way. While it pains me, I have to acknowledge that this entire endeavor was a mistake. Having given Amy a taste of the forbidden fruit she so craves, however, I cannot ask her to take our relationship back to its previous paradigm. For that reason, I've decided to terminate the relationship in the interest of fairness to all parties. I was executing the required document when Penny interrupted me earlier today."

Having completed his account, Sheldon sat back. Leonard studied him a moment. He looked resigned, but also intensely sad. Leonard couldn't remember a time when Sheldon was really sad - - the adult kind of sad, not the "I didn't get the toy I wanted" sort of sad that he was used to in his often childlike friend. He leaned forward and clasped his hands in front of himself.

"So you think the only answer to this conundrum is to break up with Amy?" he asked.

"I believe I just said that. Really, Leonard! Do you **_never_** listen to me?" Sheldon became momentarily animated with his exasperation, but the melancholy quickly returned.

"Amy told Penny that you got a hard-on and then ran out of the room." Leonard hoped that injecting a bit of earthy language into the conversation might shock Sheldon into a more honest discussion.

"If you insist on putting it in such crude terms, yes!"

"Sheldon," Leonard swooped in, "In your _get physical_ plan, did you think that perhaps, someday, you might get as far as actual coitus with Amy?"

"Well, of course. That was the ultimate goal, although I was never really sure I would be able to manage it."

"I think maybe we've pretty much answered that question, Sheldon. You do realize that a certain amount of that kind of _loss of control_ is necessary if you're going to engage in coitus? You might even say it's a prerequisite."

"Leonard!" Sheldon interrupted, "I wanted to rip her clothes off!"

Leonard started laughing. "Of course you did, Sheldon! Do you have any idea how often I want to rip Penny's clothes off? But I don't - - or at least, not without her approval. Trust me, neither will you; or if you do, Amy very likely won't mind at all."

"But Leonard…"

"No buts, Sheldon. Let me just say this…" Leonard paused a moment and downed the last of his water. "The biggest mistake you've made so far is leaving Amy in the dark about all this. We both know this is something she wants, but you've been springing all this on her out of the blue. And keeping it all to yourself doesn't help you any, either. I'm willing to bet that half of what you're going through is because you're not completely sure that she's going to be ok with all this. So on top of not being comfortable with how your own body is reacting to your - - activities - - you're worried about how she'll react. Talk to her, man! Let her in on the secret. See what she says and how she feels about all this. You'll both be more comfortable and, while I won't say that you'll feel completely in control, I think you'll find things will go much more smoothly."

Leonard watched his friend, trying to determine if any of what he said made an impression. But Sheldon was wearing his most inscrutable face.

"Whatever you do, Sheldon," he said gently, "Don't break up with Amy. She's the best thing that's ever happened to you, and that will still be true even when you finally win that Nobel Prize."

"I know." Sheldon said quietly, his gaze intent on the hands he was nervously clasping and unclasping in his lap. In the barest of whispers, he admitted what his friend already knew. "I love her, Leonard."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Thanks so much for reading and, if you're in the mood, drop me a review.

FF_1807614_ 6/22/2013


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